


Slaves to any Semblance of Touch

by littlelucifermotherfucker



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Other, Pining, Slow Burn, so much pining my dude, touch starved
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-08-19
Packaged: 2020-04-24 14:48:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 22,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19175515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlelucifermotherfucker/pseuds/littlelucifermotherfucker
Summary: Given your normal life, suddenly falling into the middle of Thorin's company is a shock. Its real, graphically real and you're so far from home. Under scrutiny from Thorin, Gandalf and every elf you meet is hard.But why does Thorin keep such a close eye on you? It can't all be mistrust and doubt, can it? He intrigues you, and you him, yet neither will say it.How long can it be left unsaid? What if it's never said? How can you go home after this?





	1. It's Not the Waking, It’s the Rising.

**Author's Note:**

> So have a couple of chaps written but am waiting on starting a job and have no idea how often updates will be

It had been a normal day. Another normal day of job searching and texting friends. You were done with university for the summer and desperate for a job. Still after little success and only a few interviews, you had gotten nowhere.

You had taken a few days away from it and instead had been drawing and painting. You had also torrented the hobbit in all its extended glory and binged them in one session. Your days off soon ended and the hunt for a job was back on. 

After more searching still no job. You had decided to just focus on anything else to calm your stressed mind. In this case it meant crocheting tiny little dumbo octopuses. With tiny lil ears and cute black eyes. You had soon amassed a small collection.  
You chuckled and looked at your hoard, chuckling at the thought of Smaug hoarding tiny octopuses. There were several sizes of octopuses. 

A tiny orange and yellow one, a rainbow one, then a chunky one which was the mother of the little family. Blue and green and red. The collection was impressive for only a two days work. You slowly counted all of them and smiled. 15. 15 octopuses you had made. 

You were visiting a few friends the next day, so the octopuses were packed into your backpack so they could choose. You also carried your keys, purse and a jacket. 

After getting ready for bed you soon drifted off.

 

All you remember is tripping. Then the blackness that overtook you as you spun in the air and screamed. 

You don’t remember landing, before you slowly wake, groaning. You shake your head a little and sit up. You’ve got leaves and twigs covering you. The sun is high overhead and the trees shadows short. Despite the fullness of the forest it is quiet. Birds tweet and chirp nearby but you hear no voices. You had tripped, still close to your friends. But suddenly you were alone. How far had you fallen? How long had you been asleep?

Slowly you stand and find no pain, aside from a few bruises. Looking at your surroundings you search for a path. Your steps seem slow and your route is addled with roots and boulders. Your feet crunch along the floor and yet you cannot find a path. As you are about to turn and try the other way you hear a voice. 

You weigh up whether you should go towards it or steer clear in your head. Deciding that asking for help and being on guard is the better option. You trudge towards the voices now realising there are more than one. You stop listening. They don’t sound scary, but the amount of voices suddenly worries you. 

You turn and decide to try the other way. Following the banked slope and by avoiding roots you’re back to where you first hear the voices. They can still be heard but you feel safer at this distance. Your decision is slowing your movements and you stop, reconsidering over and over. 

You are so deep in thought that you don’t notice the footsteps behind you. You hear a twig snap and spin and yelp, before facing with a stern looking man. He has dark hair and a dark beard and most noticeably an axe in his head. He has branches and twigs in his hand for firewood. You look at him bewildered and then you become even more confused when he drops the wood and talks to you in an unrecognisable language. 

Your brows furrow and all of a sudden you remember. It’s Bifur. Clearly your wandering has confused your brain and you can only look stupidly baffled. You then hear more footsteps and look towards that direction. You see Bofur and Bifur gestures to you and speaks quickly in the harsh dwarfish tongue. 

You look between Bifur and Bofur, seemingly just as confused as them. Bofur then comes over and looks at you. “Who are you?” He asks raising a brow. 

Looking at him still baffled you slowly stammer out your name. 

“Y/N? That’s an unusual one.” Bofur says. He looks at Bifur and they talk to each other, you stood in the middle assessing the best move.

Do you lie? Flee? Fight? Climb a tree? You’re suddenly panicking. You know what happens. You know the story. You can’t go through that. Sure, the movies and book are great, but they aren’t real. Just stories. Orcs and Wargs hunting you suddenly has more weight and you don’t know what to do.

“Well Y/n you need to come with us.” Bofur tells you as you stand stock still. 

You swallow and slowly speak. “Do I have to?” you ask meekly, anxiety invading your words.

“Well if I were you I wouldn’t wanna be lost in these woods alone at night. Not with Wargs and Orcs roaming these lands. Besides we still don’t know what you’re doing here and you owe us answers.” His tone isn’t stern or threatening. It’s helpful. He seems to not want you hurt. 

You sigh and run yours hands through your short hair. “Alright. Would you like any help carrying that wood?” You ask hoping helping will minimise the questioning and scrutiny you will be getting from Thorin and the other 10 dwarves.

 

Slowly following Bifur and Bofur you ponder the best way to play this out. Lying seems like a good option but that will lead to more questions and you would buckle. Since you have arrived here, in Middle Earth, at midday you have been lost for hours and now two dwarves are escorting you back to the company. You sigh softly a small bundle of kindling in your hands. You still didn’t understand how you got here, and you don’t know how to explain this to any dwarf, never mind 11.

Not realising how close you were to camp, you snapped out of your thoughts to hear the loud voices of the dwarves around the camp. Bifur and Bofur march back in and you hesitate. Taking a breath you follow and notice the voices stop.

Suddenly you realise, you don’t have a plan.


	2. Distract and Sedate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Questions need answering. But what is the best way to answer them? With lies or the truth?
> 
> What will Thorin do?

The silence bothered you and you stopped. Bifur ignores your unease heading to the centre of the camp to start a fire. Bofur helps you by explaining what happened.

You don’t move, only to put the firewood on the floor. You decide to sit, waiting for the arguing to calm. There are several dwarves arguing with Bofur, but for all you knew they could just be talking normally. You don’t realise that Bilbo has wandered over.

“Um, can I take the firewood Miss...?” Bilbo asks softly and you look at him. He’s waiting politely and smile gently. 

“Well I brought it to be used. Of course, you can take it.” You tell him gathering it in your arms as you speak before handing it over to the hobbit. Bilbo turns but doesn’t move away. 

“They won’t hurt you.” He murmurs to you, now facing you again. “They’re wary and stubborn but they won’t hurt a lost woman.” His words calm your nerves. He soon is back at the fire, and you are sat on the fringes of the woods, and the camp. You retie your boots, sturdy and dark brown Doc Martens. Your combat pants are muddy, and leaf covered, as is the black t shirt you’re wearing. 

You begin to pick the leaves and small prickles out of your pants, before sighing and taking off your backpack. The dwarves seem to have stopped talking, but you don’t make any movements, and stay quiet. The sun is soon below the horizon and the temperature slowly begins to drop. 

As you are thinking of the friends you lost, and how you still carry the octopuses meant for them. The hike had been going great too, it was a warm sunny day, and you’d seen a rabbit and a heron as you had walked by. You keep replaying tripping over and over in your head, not noticing anything strange, aside from the ending up in another world. 

You look up at the evening sky and hum, thinking of the campfires you’d had as a child. S’mores, tree climbing, chasing the fireflies. You smile softly and use the memories to focus and calm yourself. You hear footsteps coming towards you, and you look in the direction. You see Thorin walking over to you and the rest of the dwarves are talking in hushed tones. 

“Bofur told me your name is Y/N. Is that the truth?” Thorin asks sternly, stopping immediately before you. You stand up and reply as you stand.

“Yes. I am aware that it’s a strange name to you.” You are going to be as truthful as you can, hoping your honesty will help you.

“You are right. It is a strange name. However, your name is the least of my concerns.” You furrow your brow and swallow, at both the questioning you’re about to have and the act that you’ve shrunk. You can be no more than 4ft 8 now. Thorin is only slightly taller but his demeanour makes you feel like a child. “What were you doing I these woods so close to a company of 13 Dwarves and a hobbit, when Wargs and Orcs are stalking these lands?” He is silent, not yet pushing for an answer as you sigh. 

“I woke up here.” Before you can continue Thorin butts in.

“You woke up here? Am I to take that as you are following us?” His eyes seem harder than before and you shake your head.

“I am not from this world. I was hiking with my friends, Scott, Daniel and Emily. We were heading up a mountain near to us, it’s called Wolf’s Peak.” Thorin is quiet, silently urging you to continue.

“The mountain has dense woods on its southern side, and its less dangerous to hike up that way. I was a little behind them. I like to stop and look for animals. I decided to speed up and try to catch up to them, as I did, I tripped. The next thing I remember is blackness and me tumbling though the air. Then I woke up here, around midday. I thought I just had gotten lost, and looked for a path, and as I was, I got even more lost. Eventually I bumped into the two dwarves, and they asked me to follow them.” Your explanation is detailed, and you are willing to tell him more should he ask.

Of course, Thorin Oakenshield has more questions. 

“Why did you follow them? They could’ve led you to harm or death, yet you blindly trusted them. Why?” Thorin asks watching you as you think. You don’t think for long before answering.

“I am lost. I run into two dwarves and get told that there are Wargs and Orcs nearby. The only weapon I have is a small pocket knife. I doubt its even sharp. Besides, I have no food or water, and the chances of me surviving out here on my own is practically zero. I could either trust them or start digging my grave.”

Thorin raises a brow and softens a little. “If you aren’t from here, then where are you from?”

“It’s called Goose Bridge. It’s close to the Rocky Mountains, the biggest peak nearby being Wolf’s Peak. I have two brothers and two sisters, all younger than me. Its small, but cosy and friendly and its my home.” You smile as you speak of it and can’t help but light up. 

Thorin hums softly. “Can you fight?” The question catches you off guard, the tone very different to the previous conversation. You must look bewildered because Thorin pushes you to answer. “Well?”

You scramble for a reply. “I can punch, but that’s the most I can do.” You admit softly. 

“I suppose you are harmless enough. It doesn’t seem as though you will cause trouble, but if you are to stay with this company then you must pull your weight. Understand?” His tone is demanding, kingly. You look at him, confused. 

“You’re letting me come with you?” The question is tentative, curious. 

“Until we find a safe place for you to stay. Your answers were honest, and you have sedated me for now. Don’t cause any problems.” He turns and walks away from you, leaving you a bewildered mess.


	3. Shadows to the walls of the cave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Running from wargs isn't a hobby of yours it seems, neither is smelling troll.
> 
> A question of the magic around you, and the riddle of an old dwarfish blade confuse you. 
> 
> What does it mean?

You still had kept your distance from most of the dwarves, although Bilbo had been talking to you a good amount as the evening passed. 

Bombur had given you both a bowl of food, and soon after eating Bofur sent Bilbo to Fili and Kili who were on watch. You had been watching the night sky draw in, and only just noticed the absence of Gandalf and the farm cottage’s ruins.

You internally curse and sigh. You had been told to not do anything tonight, and to help when needed tomorrow. Despite you being honest with Thorin, you had not been armed and you really needed a weapon. Ten minutes later, or so you guessed, Fili and Kili ran into camp and told the others of the trolls and the missing ponies. 

You didn’t know what to do, until Thorin ordered you to stay put. They all ran off to fight the trolls and when they hadn’t yet returned, you grabbed a knife one of the dwarves had left and slowly stalk after them. You hide well in the bushes and can see the dwarves in the sacks, and the spit they were being turned on. 

Bilbo then hopped up and started talking about the best ways to cook dwarf. You take the opportunity to sneak around and you end up hiding in a bush closer to the sack bound dwarves. As soon as Bombur is grabbed you sneak around to Thorin, and he sees you.

He looks furious, and you silently apologise. Carefully and slowly you cut the rope around the top of the sack, before pulling it open. “Bilbo needs helping. Help him.” You whisper, words gentle and pleading. You can see the Hobbit stumbling over his lies.

Before Thorin can say anything, you sneak back towards the camp and start packing up the camp. Soon enough there are bedrolls packed, pots and pans in a pile and the ponies are resting close by. You carry what you can back over to the dwarves one bag at a time and eventually perch on a rock nearby.

You don’t see all the dwarves and presume some will be on lookout and some will be in the stinking cave nearby. You decide to find Thorin and tell him you have their things all packed together. Its not hard to follow the stench and voices from the dank echoing cave. The shadows on the cave walls seem particularly dark and you soon spot Thorin. Heading over to him you clear your throat. 

“Thorin I packed up the camp, and everyone’s bags are all packed.” You say to him hoping he is appreciative. 

He looks at you and hums deeply. “Very well, it will make leaving here far easier.” You nod and decide to leave the awful cave before you get any more nauseous. You are well aware of the fact that he never thanked you. You know Gandalf will have seen you and be curious but wait for him to approach you. 

You head over to Bofur, who you had also been talking to a lot. He was kind and friendly and less judgemental than Thorin or Dwalin. He smiles at you. “If it wasn’t for Bilbo, and Thorin getting free I’d have been spit roasted.” He tells you. You chuckle.

“Yeah. It seems ineffective though. As a cooking method in general.” He hums before a tall wizard is near the two of you. Bofur gets called away and you are left with the wizard.  
“What happened? When you were brought here.” You look at him confused about to ask how but he stops you. “There’s something lingering on you. A form of magic that I do not recognise. So how did you get here?” Gandalf raises his brow. 

“I was with friends on a hike and I tripped. I started tumbling through darkness and then I woke up somewhere in the woods. I don’t remember landing.” He hums clearly in thought. 

“Well we will have to keep an eye on you, should you disappear again.” He tells you before holding a sheath out to you. “Thorin told me you aren’t armed, and I saw this dagger. You may need it.” Gandalf holds it out to you. 

Taking it you look it over. Before you can thank Gandalf he has walked away. You unsheathe it and it is nothing like the elven blades that you’ve seen in the movies. You take it out the sheath and look it over. Its fairly simple, yet the handle is not made from metal. It seems to be something different, the smooth white material blaringly obvious from below the leather wrapping.

Suddenly there is a shout and the dwarves rush over. You follow much slower knowing it is Radagast. You are still perplexed by the handle of you dagger and hum. As you look it over and try to place it Thorin approaches. 

“I see you have spoken with Gandalf.” He states, eyes looking at the blade in your hands. 

“Yeah, he said that he couldn’t place the magic that’s around me. He doesn’t recognise it.” You look at Thorin and see how his brow is furrowed. His eyes focused on the blade. “Gandalf fetched it from the cave, I don’t know what the handle is made of. Do you?” You ask, offering him the blade.

Thorin takes it and thoroughly examines the dagger. “Its Dwarvish.” He mumbles softly. He suddenly looks at you. “This is a lost blade, from the First age.” You look at him shocked, but before either of you can continue talking a growling can be heard and a massive brown Warg appears above you. Thorin puts himself in front of you and you are thankful.

Before you know it you’re running for your life from drooling monstrous dogs.


	4. It's not the Song, it's the Singing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Running. Blackouts. Headaches. 
> 
> Your whole adventure, and the riddle surrounding you seems far more complex now. The answers only lead to more questions.
> 
> Why you? Why a missing blade? And who is the voice in your head? What language are they speaking? Why does Thorin ignore you?
> 
> Questions you are unable to answer. One of them you are too scared at ask. Perhaps dwarves will always confuse you, and make this riddle more complicated, and perhaps they will lead to answers. It seems not even an Elf is sure of which it will be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a doozy

Fleeing wasn’t something you were used too. The occasional bus run maybe but nothing like this. You were short of breath, a stitch in your chest. You panted desperately keeping up miraculously. The company stops behind a large boulder and you struggle to stop, ramming into the back of Bofur. Your heart is pounding. 

Bofur steadies you and looks at you worriedly. You hear a growl above and behind you, a Warg. You’re so busy trying to catch your breath you only hear the orc as its killed.  
Then you’re sprinting again. You’re struggling so much. You stumble and Kili pulls you up. You are close to collapsing. 

You dash towards the others and stumble again this time into Thorin. He steadies you and you pant. Your face is red and your breaths short. You feel faint and dizzy. Gandalf has opened the pass and Thorin shoves you into it. You can’t stand or breathe and then everything goes black.

You dream of home. The comforts. The wifi. Your family. Your pets. The dreams get blurry and hazy. You feel blackness take you. 

Gandalf sees you flop in and pass out and goes to your side. He knows you're alive, but the way you are breathing is worrying. The other dwarves follow noticing your unconscious form. They say nothing and wait for the coast to be clear.

You don’t wake. Then you’re gone.

 

Grumbling your eyes blink open. You’re home, in your bed. Your brother Robin looking at you. “Oh, hey Y/N. You’re awake. You tripped and had a bad bang om the head. We couldn’t find you, then we saw you on our search yesterday. You’ve been here ever since.” He explains helping you sit up.

You’re baffled, but Robin leaves to get you food. Was this all just a dream? A hallucination? You check your belt for the dagger and find nothing, but then see it on your bedside table. It was real. You sigh rubbing your aching head. You haven’t had a blow to the head. You didn’t even get one when you tumbled into the hidden pass. 

Why does it hurt? You then hear a deep rumbling voice in an unfamiliar language boom through your head. It feels ancient, and powerful. You fall back unconscious. 

Between the intermittent blackouts and the care you’re getting from your family, you still have no answers. The headaches are getting worse, and now your heart feels heavy, and empty. You don’t know why. 

After a week at home and confusing voices and dreams you wake up again. You notice its hard, and cool. Sitting up you are in the same cave as when you fell, and you soon cover your mouth from the putrid orc body. Standing up, you take a couple of stumbling steps and continue along the path. 

You know where it leads and you know where the dwarves are, but how do you get to them. There are elves ahead, and they won’t let you simply walk into Rivendell. You sigh and continue on, getting to Rivendell as the sky turns pink from the sunset. You stop before the guards and awkwardly wave. 

“Hello, I am Y/N, and I was with a company of 13 dwarves and a hobbit. Are they here?” You ask, only met with stone cold elf faces. You see an elf heading down the steps and see that its lord Elrond. You politely bow your head as he gets closer and he looks at you.

“I suppose you must be Y/N. The dwarves said you disappeared before them. Luckily for you they are still here. Let me lead you to them.” You follow. He has questions you can tell and as you are led to the company, he begins to ask them.

“I have been informed of much by Gandalf. My only question is why you want to remain with the dwarves. Why not stay here? As I understand you are not able to fight, and they are being hunted by orcs.”

“I landed close to them to begin with. I returned to them a second time, a week later, and I want to help them. Besides I don’t think you believe any of this to be coincidence. I appear with a company of 13 dwarves, get a missing Dwarvish blade from the first age, and keep leaving and returning here. It doesn’t make sense, and here is where I will get answers. Not in my home.” Elrond stops and you stop as well. 

“Perhaps it is fate leading you down this path, and perhaps it is something more powerful. But I believe you are right. Those dwarves are your best chance.” He looks up ahead. “They are u p there and to the right. I wish you luck.” Elrond leaves you.

You walk up to where the rowdy voices are coming from and the first dwarf to see you is Fili. He looks at you confused and then smiles. “Y/N. You’re back.” Then Kili sees you, and soon the whole company is looking at you. Their faces all shocked and confused, and you know they are about to barrage you with questions. 

Before they can you begin to explain. They all sit and listen intensely, not commenting. “.. The headaches got worse and I just kept hearing that voice. I went to sleep, and I was back here.” You finish and they all seem more confused than before. 

They all seem in thought, the Bifur speaks, and you realise. The booming voice was Dwarvish. As you’re about to tell them, Thorin returns. 

You turn to see his furrowed brows, and you can’t read his expression. He has overhead Elrond, yet you say nothing, keeping the knowledge to yourself. 

“We need to pack. We leave at dawn.” He orders and steps past you barely acknowledging you.

Thorin is inwardly smiling that you are back, not that he’d ever admit it to anyone. Not even himself.


	5. Mere Monstrosity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More and more riddles. 
> 
> But perhaps one answer is coming forth. Maybe even the answer to the mystery of Thorin's animosity towards you. But goblins soon interrupt. When will you catch a break? Not anytime soon thats for sure.
> 
> You are also tired of falling, and hope you don't fall to your death on this quest.
> 
> Thorin hopes the same.

Hiking like this over hills and valleys is what you are used to. You are getting to know more of the dwarves. Dori is a worrier and very sweet. Balin is a wise old man. Fili and Kili are like your annoying brothers. Gloin is a grumbler, Bofur is jolly. Bifur is.. Bifur. Bombur is amazing at making rabbit taste good. Oin is caring, Nori likes to tell you tales of his home. Ori is sweet and brave. Dwalin is grumpy but has been teaching you how to fight. Bilbo is kind and helpful, even if he is a bit out of his depth.

Then there’s Thorin. You have barely talked to him much. He seems to make a point of avoiding you. You know he can give you some answers, yet given his stubbornness, your answers are distant. 

Eventually you make it onto the mountain pass, and you are terrified. The only thing keeping you going is the other dwarves forcing you along. When the storm starts things only get worse, and then in the darkness, the giant appears. 

The pass rumbles and splits, and you are stuck with Bilbo. The side you didn’t want to be on. Clinging on for dear life to the slick rock you pray you do not fall like Bilbo. The next thing you know is the rock falling towards the mountain and you bracing yourself. Luckily you land on Kili and stay on the mountain side. 

You all scrabble to your feet and you go over to where you can see bilbos hands dangling. The others finally see him and as his hand drops down you dump your rucksack and climb down to him. The dwarves yell at you but you reach Bilbo. 

“Bilbo get on my back!” You yell to him and he does. You huff as you climb back up to the dwarves and scramble back onto the rock. Thorin makes his comment about Bilbo not belonging, but you pat bilbos back. 

You’re soaked through and shivering but set up your bedroll anyway. Thorin comes over to you. “What you did was stupid and reckless,” He growls, and you just look at him. “But you were brave enough to do it. Don’t let your courage get you killed.” As swiftly as he was there, he was gone. 

The snoring dwarves no longer keep you awake, although the cold you feel does. Thorin had moved to sleep next to you and he noticed your chattering teeth. As you try to sleep you feel a weight on you. You turn and see Thorin placing his coat over you. “Thor-r-rin you’lllll be c-c-c-old.” You chatter through your teeth.

“Dwarves are hardier than men, and you need it more than I.” He whispers to you. You hear a caring soft tone in his voice and looking at his eyes you can see a love there. “Get some rest, try to sleep through the voices you hear.” He knew of your return like the others and you shake your head.

“Its j-just one voice. And I-I I think it’s speaking in Dwarvish. It sounds like your tongue.” You are soon warming under Thorin’s thick coat and the shivering has stopped. His face frowns. 

“Are you sure?” you nod seeing his brow furrow. He moves closer to you and speaks even lower. “If I spoke some to you, would you recognise it? You nod again, then Thorin lens over whispering into your ear.

You don’t know what he is saying, but the way his deep voice whispers it into your ear makes you calm and happy. He stops talking but linger in that spot, above your ear. “Well? Is it the same?” You think and compare for a moment.   
“Yes Thorin, it’s the same. But I much prefer your voice over the one I keep hearing.” You admit softly hoping he isn’t scared away from you. He chuckles quietly into your ear. 

“Well that is good. I am sorry for avoiding you. I still am unsure of what to make of this. I cannot understand how you feel but know that I do care about you.” Thorin’s tone betrays his emotions to you, and before you can respond he pulls away. “Rest.” He urges the moment over as abruptly as It began. You notice how he doesn’t take is coat from you.

Your dream starts as normal. They have been of home, your family. Suddenly this one changes. The booming Dwarven voice is there, but this time you understand. “Remember your self little one. The world may depend on you finding yourself. You have the answers, now find the questions.”

Suddenly you are kicked awake by Thorin, only for the floor to fall away and then you’re falling. You grunt as you land, and then groan when Bombur lands on top of you. Shaking your head, you struggle to get free from below Bombur, and then you see the ugly pale goblins lurching towards you. You yelp as you are grabbed and wriggle but get dragged off and pushed around. Then you hear the drums clamouring and a foul voice reaches your ears.

The next part is all a blur, then after a blinding white light knocks you down you come to your senses. You grab your knife in your hands and soon start clumsily defending yourself. Your head and body tingles intensely and when you are faced with ten goblins you scream. You suddenly can fight, and they all swiftly fall. You all run and fight. You pant for breath when you are all stopped by the foul goblin king.

As you fall again, you realise, you can fight. But since when, and how. Dwalin’s sparring hadn’t done that to you. More confused than ever you land=d grunting, before yelping when the goblin king lads atop you all. Wriggling free you are all soon running again and down the hillside. You stop and notice the handle of your knife change from white, to a deep red. 

You ignore the conversation about Bilbo as you try to understand the events of the past few hours, but it all seems more confusing than anything. A howl snaps you out of your thoughts.

Wargs.


	6. Sheer Atrocity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You finally have your answers, but what have you forgotten. Why are you and Thorin so drawn to each other? Why now? How long until you know?
> 
> There is only one way to find out, and that is to continue.

You and the company sprint towards the trees and a few Wargs fall in the process. Before you can jump inti the branches you are facing down a Warg. It snarls and lungees. 

That tingling instinct takes over again, and you shove your arm in its mouth stabbing it in the roof of the mouth. You drag your blade through its skull before throwing it into the forehead of the Warg behind you. Grabbing it you jump into the branches and the dwarves all look at you bewildered. Especially Dwalin. 

The Wargs shake the trees snapping off branches, and soon you are all crowded into the tree right at the edge of the cliff. You and Bilbo light your pinecones from Fili’s before throwing them. Your aim is perfect hitting a Warg right in the head and setting the monster on fire. It runs off yelping and the Wargs back away. 

The tree lurches over the cliff, then he appears. Azog. He is terrifying and you can only cling on. You watch as Thorin runs off to fight him, and you barely hear your scream as he is picked up in the albino Wargs mouth. You watch as Bilbo rushes in to help, and you swiftly follow him you kill a Warg with a well-placed knife throw and soon enough the dwarves are fighting with you. 

You hear a shrill cry from the night sky, and the eagles come to your aid. As you drop your guard the albino Warg grabs you by the leg. Screaming you react by stabbing your knife in its eye and ragging the knife down its snout and clean through its nose. Dropping you to howl in pain, you grab the branch Thorin carries and an eagle is soon carrying you in its claws. 

You fade in and out of consciousness on the way to the towering Carrock, and the pain in your leg only deepens and spreads. You shiver and fight the shock that threatens you. As the sun rises you see the Carrock, hoping that your leg can be saved.

More importantly though is Thorin. Is he ok/ Will he live? Despite knowing the answer, you cannot help but panic and hope he lives. You are last to be dropped and get gently placed on the Carrock with a groan in pain. Thorin is up and hugging Bilbo. 

“It wasn’t just me Thorin. Y/N helped too.” Thorin smiles only to spot you laid on the floor a grimace on your face, as you clutch your bleeding leg.

You try to fight the shock, but knowing Thorin is alright makes you give in. Then you’re swimming in a haze of memories and dreams.

The voice speaks to you again. Its chanting, like a spell. Your hearing fades and soon the empty blackness is the only thing you know. 

 

You wake groggy and confused. A pain ripping through your leg drags you further awake, and you can hear voices and the crackling of a fire. Your eyes will not open, but you feel someone next to you. They are obviously keeping an eye on you. They are warm and you try to open your eyes but you cant. Blackness forces you back asleep.

You wake again, properly this time, your eyes fluttering open. You hiss through your teeth at the pain, and you see the dwarves all asleep on the Carrock, only one awake on watch. They are next to you and you realise, it’s Thorin. He’s close to you, and you shake your head waking fully. 

He notices and looks at you. “Y/N, you’re awake. What do you remember?” His voice is soft, brimming with concern. 

“Getting here, pain and then that’s it. How long...?” You ask looking around a little, your sentence trailing off. 

“A day. You lost a lot of blood. You were close to death, then Gandalf said he felt a magic pull you back. He believes it to be the same that has brought you here.” You hum before trying to sit. Thorin helps you and moves. You are sat between his legs, Leaning your back against his chest.

“Thorin what...” He shushes you gently.

“I cannot explain it; I have this urge to help and protect you. Almost like instinct. The first time I noticed it was in the goblin cave, and I couldn’t help but want to be close to you.” You must have tensed because he pushes you a little further from him. 

“Thorin please don’t push me away. I’m just surprised that you’re opening up to me.” He chuckles sadly pulling you to him again. 

“As am I.” You both stay like that for a while not speaking. You begin to think on the riddle you are in. Then you remember the knife. 

“Thorin?” You murmur gently. He hums in response. “After the goblins, when we had just gotten out, my knife handle changed colour, to a dark red. Its white again now, but I was wondering if you could tell me why.”

Thorin has moved his head to the crook of your neck. “The rock it is made from is ancient and dense. It has been there longer than any race in middle earth. Durin meds that knife himself and gave it to his wife as a courting gift.” He pauses and thinks. “She was much like you if the tales are true. She was like any other dwarrowdam but couldn’t stand her kin. They were traditional and proper and perfect. She wanted to fight. So, she cut most of her hair off, stole some dwarf clothes and rode out to kill something. The knife you have was given to her from Durin. It has been lost for a long time.” He is quiet as he speaks, clearly thinking and trying to understand the riddle as you are. 

You pause, thinking before asking. “Who was Durin?”

Neither of you get much sleep, as Thorin explains a lot about Dwarvish history. You keep listening hoping for an answer within it somewhere. 

“Thorin, what if the voice I keep hearing is Mahal?” You ask gently, the sun starting to change the sky from inky black, to a dawn blue. Thorin stiffens and he lets you go moving around to face you. 

“Then you are far more powerful than we know. Why do you think it is Mahal?” He asks sitting before you instead. You recall the first time you heard it, and the times you have heard it since. You remember the sentence you understood. 

“He said, ‘Remember yourself little one. The world may depend on you finding yourself. You have the answers, now find the questions.’ What does that mean?” You ask softly. 

Thorin’s eye meet yours and he seems to have realised something. “It means we have been asking the wrong questions. You have the answers. I’ve just told you them.” You look at him confused. Then you suddenly black out and Thorin catches you.

“He is right little one. Just remember. Remember. You are so close.” You suddenly wake and push away from Thorin. He looks concerned.

“I’m a dwarf.”


	7. Back to the Hedgerows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your leg causes problems, annd so do your questions.
> 
> Memories bubble back up to the surface, and Thorins indecisive moods are driving you mad.

Thorin stares at you his brow furrowed. You cant speak the realisation hitting you hard. Neither of you speak too confused to say anything. 

Thorin looks at you and speaks softly. “Are you sure?”

You pause to think. You can feel that you are. But you don’t have any memories of being a dwarf. Only the ones of home. You take a while to think searching for anything that could prove you right. Thorin is patient and silent watching you intensely. 

You furrow your brow, a memory sticking out to you. You couldn’t see through the haze around it. And you sigh unable to get through the fog. “No. But there is no other explanation at the moment, and if that line is still around maybe they have some answers.” 

Thorin looks at you and stands suddenly moving away from you. Your heart drops and you wince when you move your leg. He knows something. But suddenly he wont tell you. Why? What is he hiding. Before you can ask the others start to wake. Oin comes over and looks at your leg. You know you cant stand or walk never mind climb down the steep Carrock steps.

The dwarves try to find a way of getting you down with them, and you can tell Thorin is annoyed at the problems that you are causing. Bilbo sits with you making sure you’re ok. Neither of you speak.

Eventually, with a lot of effort from the dwarves and you gripping to them for dear life. You are able to see the bottom of the carrock. Dwalin puts you down and the company all pauses for a while to catch their breath. Thorin comes down to you.

“Get on my back.” He orders, and in his tone you hear anger and annoyance. You comply and after another hour you are all at the bottom. 

Thorins mood change worries you, and its more frustrating and confusing than anything. You settle in for another night and are soon asleep. 

Your dreams are different. Vivid and with people you know, but somehow they seem distant. The dark stone walls and echoing paths tell you you’re in a mountain. You run along the towering pathways, chasing your little brothers. 

The memory changes, and you are slightly older, this time you are playing hide and seek. Its rather fun a large place but it stops being fun when you get lost. You don’t know where you are and you panic. Turning back the other way is no help and suddenly the corridors seem scary and empty. You sniffle and try to remember where you came from. You hear footsteps and turn stumbling backwards. Before you fall the dwarf catches you. He’s young, but a lot older than you. He has dark hair, and blue eyes. 

“Whats wrong little one?” His rumbling voice asks. You sniffle softly as he holds you steady. “I-i’m lost.” You whimper and he smiles gently. “How did you get lost?” He asks, his voice soft. “I was playing hide and seek with my brothers but then I got here and then I got scared and I cant find them and mother will be angry and..” he gently shushes you as you begin to cry. “Im sure we will find them.” He holds out his hand and you take it, as he leads you back the right way.

Waking from your dreams you frown. You remember it all vividly, as if it was real. Oin changes your bandages and helps you up before passing you a walking stick. The day seems longer, especially with your hobbling. The orcs will catch up and kill you at this rate, but you keep up for the most part. Should you need to run you would surely die.

After a few days of hobbling pass, the orc pack has caught you up. Thorin hasn’t spoken to you since and avoids you as he did before. Bilbo rushes back and warns you all of both the pack and Beorn. You know you wont keep up and before you all start to flee Thorin grabs you and follows on after the others. You only get put down at the gates to Beorns home and you hurry after them. The bear snout pokes through the door and you are sat on a hay bale clutching your leg. 

That night you cant sleep, the pain keeping you awake. The wounds are healing, but painfully slowly. Thorin is next to you fir the first time in a couple of weeks and during your fitful sleep you wake. Thorin is awake next to you. 

“I am sorry. For avoiding you again.” He murmurs softly and you suddenly realise. The dwarf in that memory was Thorin. You are from erebor. “Should you be a dwarf, a dwarf of that line, it would mean that your family are mostly gone.” He mumbles sadness in his voice. “We cannot be sure without you remembering.” Before he continues you interrupt.

“I have been remembering when Ive slept. They stay in my head after and its confusing. But one of the first ones I had is really vivid.” You murmur back, wincing softly at the pain in your leg. 

“What was it of?” Thorin asks, still keeping his emotions guarded from you. 

“I was a child, and was playing with my brothers. It was hide and seek and I remember it being in a large place. It was all dark stone with high walkways.” Thorin looks at you, knowing of where you speak. “I got lost down a corridor, there was no-one around and the darkness scared me. I couldn’t remember which way Id gone and couldn’t get back. I was going to cry when a dwarf appears.” You look at him and him at you. 

“You were that small dwarf. You got lost and was scared of your mother being angry for losing your brothers.” You nod slowly. Thorin looks at you as if he has seen a ghost. “Y/n your parents, you, your siblings, you all vanished without a trace. The entirety of you line vanished.” He tells you. You frown. 

“How do you…”

“Your line is as ancient as mine, and just as important. The day your family vanished was never forgotten.” His voice is low. Mournful almost. “Your family, are they still alive?” He asks gently. 

“Yeah, but I don’t think they remember either. We’ve always just been a family, no memories of erebor or dwarves. Nothing. Not even my grandparents.” Thorin sighs softly.

“I am sorry for avoiding you, I did not want to tell you that news. I feared you would have lost them.” Thorin tugs you a little closer to him and wraps his arm around your waist. “Your family must remember themselves too.” 

You sigh wincing again. “Y/n you must sleep in order to heal.” Thorin urges. He is concerned for you again and you hope he wont keep distancing himself from you.

Despite the pain, you do get some sleep. When you wake the dwarves all all with gandalf and bilbo has just woken too. He helps you up and you stumble a little. 

Gandalf lists off the dos and don’ts, before pairing you all up. You end up with Thorin, and shuffle over to him. He helps steady you. Your leg feels worse. Bofur is soon sending the dwarves out and you groan in pain.

“Y/n?” Thorin asks, holding more of your weight than before. 

“It feels worse. Something isnt right.” You tell him. He helps you to the doorway and Beorn lowers his axe. He gives you all food but all you can focus on is the throbbing in your leg and how cold you feel. 

Oin sits you down and checks the bandages. You wince as he removes them and when you look down you see the gaping bite marks, bleeding and with bright yellow pus. “Qn infection.” Oin grumbles heading off to tell the others. 

Loud heavy footsteps come over and you see Beorn tower over you. “How did you get injured?”

“Azogs warg bit me. I can barely walk and now its infected.” Beorn hums and moves away from you. He returns with honey and gently smears it into the wounds. You grunt at the pain and he soon passes you fresh bandages and a small jar of honey. “That will stop the infection and help it heal.” He tells you, his voice rumbling through your head. 

Thorin and Oin return and you tell them what happened. Oin bind your leg, Hearing that you’re going to be riding gives you relief, weight iff your leg will be a big blessing. 

Thorin lifts you onto the pony, before getting on his, and you all wait for Gandalf. You wince and Thorin glances at you. “I’m fine Thorin. Its just painful.” He hums unconvinced.

You begin the trek to mirkwood and somehow you are kore scared than when a warg bit you.


	8. Shrike

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mirkwood, is far worse than you imagined. As is your wound. 
> 
> Blackouts and bright lights and tenderness. Yet it will all be forgotten 
> 
> Questions still remain, and the one bothering you most is simply just out of reach. What are Thorin's emotions for you, and why does he seem to pull away too soon? Not enough has been said between you two, and for the moment it will stay that way.

Seeing the dark looming forest of Mirkwood terrifies you, and all too soon you are there. Thorin lifts you off the pony and your leg nearly gives way. It is agonising and the throbbing only seems worse. He steadies you, looking at you with worry. You brush it off, despite the banging headache, and your weakness. 

You trail behind the company your leg significantly slowing you. You manage to keep up. But soon the malevolent forest invades your mind. It makes you hallucinate and makes you confused. You seem to be the most infected, your injury making the forests darkness seep into your brain easier. 

You trudge on, the pain worsening, and the infection is getting far more lethal by the second. You reach the stone bridge, only to see it broken.

You can barely hear the dwarves voices, and you pant for breath. Your brow is covered in sweat, you’re somehow both too hot and too cold. Thorin notices your state, through the forests haze. He helps keep you standing, and you can barely feel his arms holding you tightly.

You slip into blackness and into more dreams. 

Memories seem to hurtle back to you at an alarming pace, all overwhelming your fragile mind. The pain, the forest, the memories. It all pushes you further from waking.

Grunting, you wince as you open your eyes. You’re in a hospital, a scratchy blanket covering you. You groan blinking rapidly. You shake your head but don’t stay awake. The next time you wake you’re at home. Your brother, Rowan looking at you, he sighs in relief. “You were practically dead from that infection.” He tells you, and you wince as you try to sit up. He helps you gently pulling you upright. “As if you being close to death, and appearing out of nowhere was bad enough, you brought 13 dwarves and a Hobbit with you.” You frown at him.

“What… But... I…” You stammer your voice croaky from lack of use. 

“They weren’t doing too good either, but we couldn’t have turned them away from the doorstep could we. They were unconscious too at first, then when they woke up, they panicked and tried to kill Robin.” Rowan tells you. You seem bewildered. “Seems you told Robin the truth.” 

You wince. “Can I see them?” You ask your leg still causing you a lot of pain. Rowan nods and leaves. You rub your temples, a slight headache bothering you. You look under the blankets at your bandaged leg and sigh. You hear the door open as you tentatively poke it. You squeak and your leg jerks. 

“Why would you poke your wound?” You hear Thorin’s voice ask. You look at him as he walks over to you. You whine and don’t respond. He seems out of his depth. “Your home is...”

“Baffling. Unexplainable. Confusing.” You suggest leaning your back against the headboard. Thorin nods gently. “I didn’t mean... I can’t.” Thorin quiets you. 

“Magic is fickle even in the hands of wizards. I don’t expect you to control it Y/N.” He looks down at your leg. “We woke up without you. I believe Dwalin tried to kill your brother.”

“Rowan mentioned it.” You interrupt. Thorin looks at you, only concerned and worried. “We cannot tarry here. I know you have no control over it, but we simply do not have the time.” He tells you. 

“I know. I’m sorry. All I seem capable of doing is slowing you down. Maybe that’s why we were sent here. For being bad dwarves.” You say sadly. Suddenly Thorin’s hand is squeezing yours. 

“Whatever reason dragged you here, it cannot be that. Your family were wonderful dwarves. Its unfortunate none of you can remember. If only you could.” His hand stays holding yours. Neither of you say anything about it.

“Rowan said that my leg needs more rest to heal. At least that’s what the doctors said.” Thorin hums. 

“May I see?” He asks. You nod pulling back the sheets. The bite is mid-thigh and Thorin is careful and gentle about taking off your bandage. You wince a few times, and each time his movements get slower and more careful. He looks over the stitched wound, and you do as well.

It has stopped bleeding and the infection has gone. The bruising is starting to turn yellow, and they look less deep than before. The surface is even starting to heal. “I think you should be able to walk on it fine.” He says looking at you. “People have walked on far worse.”

“So have I.” You hum softly. Thorin takes the bandages away, and he must have been told where the fresh ones are; because he grabs one and rewraps your leg. “If we are going to leave, I suspect it will be in the night.” 

“Thorin we can’t know that.” He looks at you. 

“that does not mean we cannot be prepared. Get what thing you can together, it will be easier either way.” You nod, and he pulls the blankets back over you before leaving. 

You grab bandages, water and your knife. You change into more suitable, warmer clothes and wait patiently for nightfall. You doze off, and upon waking you are back in Mirkwood. 

Back at the bridge. The dwarves make no mention of your home or family, as if their memory has been wiped clean. You sigh and clamber across the vines after Thorin. 

You jump down, your leg buckling a little. You Bilbo and Thorin all see the white deer. Their voices are slow and distant, and soon enough it has bolted. 

Trudging through the forest only seems to be going slower and slower as you progress. Your breaths feel heavy, like your lungs are full of air already. Everything seems distant and quiet. You can’t remember your name.

After realising there is something else near you, you panic, before feeling a sting and blacking out. 

Grunting you wake up and wrestle free of the silk wrapped round you. You throw your knife into a spider’s head and retrieve it before having to defend yourself from the mandibles of another. You save Thorin, Bofur and Ori with well-placed throws, before the elves surround you. 

Before they get there, you sick your knife down the side of your boot, refusing to loose it. 

One danger over, another one begins, and undoubtedly the elf king will have questions for you.


	9. Rattle your Chains if you Love being Free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The elven king has questions, and answers.
> 
> You have so many of the answers, but equally as many questions. You worry for your family and for yourself. Thorin is still a stranger to you, yet you only feel closer and closer to him. Yet despite it, he seems further away than ever. What answers will you get, if any?
> 
> How does it all fit in? What will happen with your family? Who is Thorin to you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rewrote this chapter because it was confusing story wise and when i wrote it the first time It was a Struggle™. So please reread and chapter 10 will be up soon.

Getting accosted by the elves wasn’t fun. The jostling and shoving was exhausting, as if battling spiders and the forests magic hadn’t been enough. You ache, and your mental state is still very shaky. Being the most affected by the magic had made your brain foggy. 

The dwarves just get dragged away to the cells, Thorin to Thranduil, and you get taken with him. You stay quiet watching the conversation play out between them. Then you get brought into the present. 

“And what of the human girl travelling with you? What place does she have amongst the dwarves of Erebor?” Thranduil asks, his eyes boring into you. You swallow and try to come up with a reasonable explanation. They stare at you and you feel intimidated beyond belief.

“I am accompanying my friends, I wanted to help them get back what was taken. What right do you have to say otherwise?” Your voice shakes a little. Thranduil raises his brow and moves closer to you. 

“Do not lie to me girl. it will not aid your futile efforts to get to that mountain.” You stammer, lost in what to say and Thranduil smirks triumphantly. You swallow and Thorin steps in. 

“What does it matter? She is a part of my company.” Thorin’s voice has a defensive edge, as if Thranduil’s words personally offended him. You look at Thranduil, and a memory is triggered from in your brain. You go limp, only for Thorin to catch you as your memory washes through your head. 

You jolt back awake and Thorin looks at you concerned, while Thranduil stays silent and looks at you. You don’t know what to say. The tension is thick, weighing down the light air in the elven kingdom. 

“Either you can tell me the truth, or I can take it from you.” Threatens Thranduil, and you look at Thorin. You turn to face Thranduil. 

“I am a dwarf from Erebor, but I don’t remember much of my life as I was sent to a different world. I was brought back here, twice to the company. I don’t know, how or why. The magic is still unexplained and I’m still not sure of who I am.” 

Thranduil hums seemingly unconvinced. He turns and walks away, the guards grabbing you and thorin. 

“Stay and rot if you must, 100 years is a blink in the lifetime of an elf. I am patient. I can wait.” His words grate over you and you don’t know what to say.

Thorin watches you quietly. You are sat quietly, your hands wringing themselves together. He comes over gently taking them in his. “I saw it happen Thorin. Smaug. I was there.” He sits next to you.

“What of your family?” He asks gently. 

“At home. They don’t remember.” You say gently, sighing sadly. Thorin moves close, staying quiet. “We were fleeing from one of the halls, we had to take the route past the gold. Smaug was coming the other way. He growled and then all I remember is flames. Then I woke up, with no memories of it, in my world.” You explain and Thorin is in front of you now. 

“You were saved from dragon-fire.” He murmurs gently. You nod and wring your hands. Thorin gently takes them in his. “You are alive, and well. Even if you were ripped from here, and forgot your homeland. You are alive and well.” 

You stay quiet and still. If this is Mahal, then why are you back? Why don’t your family not remember? How are you able to fight?

Thorin gently cups your face. “You must hope your family remember. I am sure they will in time. Just as you are beginning to remember yourself. Your body started remembering far quicker then your mind.” 

Your brows furrow, and then you remember. The flashes of everything flooding your mind. The training with your father, the disagreements with mother, climbing the mountain side at night. Falling and breaking your leg, being yelled at by your mother. Rejecting her ideas for your life. 

Your arranged marriage, how you rejected it, how you ran away. How you camped in the wild and lived off the rabbits. How you came back a month later with matted hair and wounds, a broken finger, a fox bite, a gash from falling out of a tree. 

Suddenly you jolt awake, lurching out of Thorin’s arms. He lets you go.

“Y/N? Are you alright?” He asks gently and you look at him. His eyes show his worry and concern. He waits patiently for you to answer.

“I remember. Everything.” Since you have remembered, the scars hidden from you return. There aren’t many, only a few. The fox bite rings your thumb, the gash on your ribs. There are collections of small faded ones in assorted places from other more minor accidents. 

Thorin gazes at you his brow furrowed. “Everything? Are you sure?” 

You look at him confused, before realising. You barely remember Thorin, or his family. Yet he said your family were good, kind dwarves. Before you can tell him, you hear Bilbo return.  
He leads you to the barrels and soon enough you are all clambering in. Then you hear the guards.


	10. Lined with the Scum of It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barrels are not comfortable.
> 
> You are close, so close to your answers, to the reason for being here. But the answer will not be revealed yet. It will tease and haunt you for a while longer, and something else will haunt you. Why can't you remember Thorin, why is he missing from your mind?
> 
> Hopefully the maker will tell you, but life is never that simple.

The barrels were uncomfortable, but before you can complain you’re rolling. You yelp and grunt as you drop into the water. Cold water covers you and you bump into Bombur’s barrel. The lot of you stay there before Bilbo drops next to you. 

You follow the current out of the kingdom, soon enough you are being backed up against the closed gate. The Dwarves panic and you see Kili go towards the lever. You clamber out and after him getting to him as the arrow hits him. You grab him as he tumbles and you soon have to get up and fight off some nearby Orcs. They swiftly fall.

“Kili breathe. Get back to the barrel Ill get the lever.” Your words are demanding, yet he still goes to argue; but you glare and he listens. You grab the lever and pull. You then wheel round grabbing the knife, shoving it into an orcs throat. You leap over the other side of the bridge, and back into your barrel. You roll up and out of the water. 

The current carries you quickly down the river, and yet the Orcs still follow. Soon enough the orcs have vanished from sight and you sigh in relief. Soon enough the current is gone; then you and the dwarves stumble onto the shore. 

Going over to Kili you look his leg over. You gently push Fili away. He protests, as does Oin, yet you ignore them. Holding Kili’s leg down, you use the tip of your knife to get the arrowhead out. Tearing off a piece of your shirt you use it to clean the wound as gently as you can. Fili holds Kili still as Kili grunts in pain. You bind the wound tightly hoping the cleaning and removed arrow head reduces the poison in his body.

You pat his shoulder, going back over to Thorin. You hear footsteps, pulling out your knife, only to see Bard. You sheathe your knife and surrender silently. Thorin and Balin speak with him as you check behind for any sign of the orcs. 

You get let on the boat, and you stay close to Thorin. Having no money to offer to help the dwarves makes you feel… ashamed. Thorin notices. “I cannot expect you to help with this. You have no money.” His words are gentle, and quiet, only you hear them. 

Why is he missing from your memories? You knew him, He helped you when you were lost as a child. You know him. Before you wrack your brain further you see it. Erebor. You stand stock still, overwhelmed with shock, and awe. Your memories seem more real now, and they begin to feel more solid. 

You get dragged out of your reveries by Bard, urging you for the money. You groan as you cramp yourself back up into the barrel, bracing yourself for the slimy and stinking embrace of the fish. You hold your breath, yet it does nothing to prepare you for the coldness. 

You groan, as do the others and Bard urges you all to be quiet. Hearing the guards step on the boat, and start shuffling other barrels does make you panic. Bard aids you, and soon enough you are all out of the stinking barrels. The air makes you shiver, after the cold fish. Bilbo seems shocked and you sigh knowing that this is the reality of Laketown. 

You all follow bard, but when spotted by guards you all run to the nearby market stands. You punch a guard unconscious and get dragged behind a stall by Thorin. He’s gripping an oar and you stay extremely still, holding his shoulder for balance. You cant help but worry over why you don’t remember him. Bard ushers you all away.

Climbing up through a toilet is undoubtedly a low point of your life, and you cant help but shiver. Bard comes over. “If you would like to have some of my eldest’s clothes you are…”

“I don’t think a dress will be of much use to me, but I appreciate the offer.” You tell him, your words polite. He nods softly and instead gives you one of Bain’s. You walk over to Thorin, Balin and Bilbo. You look out of the window and see the Windlance, shocked that there is one here. 

Thorin pulls you away for a moment. “You remember everything yes?” He asks, and you nod. He nods back. “Then you will remember our agreement.” You wince, and Thorin raises a brow. 

“There’s still some gaps. Namely you, and your family. I know where the gaps are, but they remain blank and I don’t know why.” You don’t know how he will respond, and surprisingly to you he smiles. 

“That is good.” You must look bewildered because he chuckles. “I will remind you of it later, there is no time now.” Then he walks off. You just seem confused in the corner, and Sigrid comes to you.

“Do you know how to fight?” She asks, before you can answer she continues. “Because our father has said if you would like to stay you are welcome.” You sigh. 

“I can fight, and I can only assume that the invitation is only to myself, and I am not abandoning these dwarves. They are my people. I will not abandon them.” She smiles softly. 

“It still stands, should you want it.” She walks away and you sigh. 

Is this all you will ever have to put up with? People assuming you can’t fight, assuming you must be a lady, assuming you can’t be strong, or powerful. In that moment you decide that you will let go of your fears and be who you always wanted to be. 

You then fall to the floor with a thump, your body limp. 

 

“Hello little one. You have remembered.” 

Looking up you see him, Mahal.


	11. Be Unbroken or be Brave Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You recover what was lost. You become yourself again.
> 
> But what choice must you make, and what will happen to your family?
> 
> Will you recover your home?

You stand and stammer and he shushes you. 

“You remind me of Durin’s intended. Strong willed, rebellious, brave. Yet she was just as fearful as you. Just as lost and just as confused. She ran from the wrong thing; you have run from a lot in your short life little one. You cannot run from this.”

You say nothing, his words compelling you to be still and quiet. 

“You have pieces missing little one, they are not pieces I can return to you. You must find them yourself. I cannot help you or aid you. This is for you to find.”

You frown confused. 

“You will get those pieces back, yet it will cost you. The choice must be made by you little one, you must do the thing that is right. Right for you. The choice is coming, the choice for you to be unbroken, or brave again.”

 

Then you are back, at Bard’s, with Oin looking you over. You groan and blink, grumbling gently. Oin and Balin help you up. 

“I’m fine, I just got some answers is all.” That is all you say, and you walk off before they ask anything else of you. You sit in the corner of the room, and the company give you space. You sigh and rub your head. Thorin tells you all the plain, and Bain tries to stop you all. It doesn’t work. 

Getting into the armoury is easy, as is gathering and handling the weapons. The stairs will prove a problem, however. They are rickety, uneven and spiral. Hardly efficient for an armoury, and very unsafe. You notice Kili struggling and see Thorin’s concern. 

You go over and gently stop Kili, “Do you need...?”

“I’m fine.’ Kili snaps and you glare. He sighs and looks at you. “I promise I can manage.”

You hum unconvinced and let him past, and he is clearly doing better than in the movies. Your cleaning and removing the arrowhead likely helped. Yet he still stumbles down the stairs. The stupid stairs. You brandish your knife only to be threatened by a spear. 

They take your knife and shove you all along to the Master’s house. He demands answers, and you let it play out staying quiet. The debate doesn’t last long, the Master’s greed evident. Snatching your knife back from the guards.

As the dwarves sleep, some from over drinking, most from exhaustion, you lie awake. Mahal’s words repeating in your head. You groan, struggling to sleep. You feel gentle arms wrap around your waist, and before you can protest Thorin is spooning you. 

Thorin Oakenshield, King under the Mountain, is spooning you.

“I promised to remind you of our arrangement, I thought that since you cannot sleep, I would tell you.” His words are slurred slightly, sort of hazy at the edges. You nod gently and he smiles. 

“At the time you were betrothed, you’d just returned from your month in the wilds. Your mother was furious, I swear she ranted to everyone in the mountain about you.” He chuckles softly, his warm breath tickling your shoulder. “I had come to visit you, and you were covered in bruises. You had cut your hair off, which was a shock. Yet I remember laughing, because of course you would cut your hair off. You went against everything your mother preached, and Dwarvish customs. You never cared, especially if it was to spite your mother.” He pauses and sighs softly. It sounds wistful, almost as if he’s mourning. 

“Only I knew. Of the stresses and panic and fear you had. You clung to me that night, you cried for hours. You told me how terrified you were, of how your legacy would end. You never wanted to be married without loving the person. You didn’t want to lose yourself to it.” 

He holds you tighter, it seems as if he’s scared of you running. Mahal’s words echo in your head again and you make sense of it. As you realise, you remember. All the time you had interacted with Thorin, and how close you had been to him. How you had wanted to marry him, how much you loved him, yet you were always too afraid to say. 

“I told you that you didn’t have to, and you said that your mother would not listen. Your mother does not understand you as your father does, she is from a very strict and proper family. She would not bend, and I told you that she might bend for someone of higher standing. You froze, stock still, before leaving. I did not see you the next day, and that was the day Smaug took Erebor. I thought you dead, I did not recognise you when we met again. Only after knowing your name and hearing your voice did I begin to expect you were really you. Yet I could not believe it, you were gone. You had been for 60 years. You are different, even now. You are not the same, you are terrified. Yet you still fight, but you know longer seem to know why. I want you to know, that you are the most important dwarf I have ever met. You are my one. I can feel it.” 

“And you are mine Thorin.” You mumble, a quiver in your voice. You are crying, you have been for a while. You couldn’t help it. His voice and the memories all hit at once. He can hear your tiny sniffles now and pulls you closer.

Pushing away, you roll over and snuggle against him, his arms grasping you tightly. He kisses your neck, and up to your jaw. His lips brush the shell of your ear and he grasps you hard. “Amrâlimê.”


	12. All You Have is Your Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are confused and lost, and finally are getting somewhere with the stubborn dwarf king.
> 
> But soon you will be facing the overgrown komodo dragon, Smaug. You can only hope you remember who you are before things escalate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, this chapter was a struggle and i have had some writers block.

You are at the boat with the others and can’t help but be concerned for Kili. He looks sallow and pale. Thorin turns him away, and Oin leaves to look after him. You stop Thorin from grabbing Fili. He looks at you and relents.

He gently squeezes your arm as he leaves your side and you can’t help but worry over Kili.

The words you shared last night linger. The way he held you, all of that hidden love finally open. But you don’t feel yourself. You still feel distant. You love him, but not as much as he seems to love you. That fact is weighing on you, Bilbo is perched next to you.

“Are you alright? You’ve just been quiet for a long time. Its not like you.” You sigh, not knowing how to respond. What is like you? What does you mean? Your memories are back yet you’re more confused and lost than ever. 

Who are you? Your memories tell you stories of two different people, how do you use those people? How do they match up? One is so rebellious and guarded and regal, the other normal, kind and soft. How do they match up?

You continue to think through all your memories, sorting them. Matching traits up from the two, and the differences and it all leads you no closer to knowing who you are. 

You get dragged out of you thoughts when you reach the shore and hop out the boat. Your movements are somehow perfect, graceful, agile. Yet only a few months ago you could’ve barely hopped over a fence. Your entire being knows who you are, yet your mind hasn’t caught up yet.

After several hours of searching through the foothills, there was still nothing. You had stayed mostly quiet, still trying to find yourself. Then you hear Bilbo’s yell. All of you rush over and you climb up the large steps. 

Eventually you are stood before the door, and everything gets distant and blurry. You don’t know why, but you feel yourself again. You don’t notice the others leave, until you see Bilbo looking over the map confused. You look out over to the horizon, the darkening sky bringing night. You sigh, taking a breath and then the tapping of the thrush starts.

You look at Bilbo, and grab the key from it’s spot on the ground, watching as the moon shows the hole. You and Bilbo yell for the dwarves to come back. 

Bilbo fumbles looking for the key and you stop him by wiggling it in your fingers. It gets taken from you, and Thorin gives you a small smirk. He opens the door and the dwarves file in. They are in awe and have reveries of the Erebor of old. 

You’d been hoping the opened door would help you. Yet there is nothing. 

 

You were waiting anxiously now, Bilbo had been in there for some time and in between your worrying and concern you had been trying to remember who you were. 

“Y/n, you have been quiet for a long time. Are you alright?” Thorin asks softly, glancing at you concerned. You struggle to answer, not even knowing yourself. “I know what you are struggling with. I have seen it plenty of times before.” You look at him. 

“I know. But this time its so much more confusing. Theres two full lives in my head. Two drastically different people. How am I supposed to know who I am with two different lives in my head.” You sigh, overwhelmed and confused. Thorin sighs.

“That is not an answer I can give you. But that does not mean I won’t help you find it.” He gently holds your hand as he speaks and you squeeze back gently. You stay quiet, and he soon gives you your thinking space.

All too soon he’s ran into the lair of a very awake, very pissed dragon. And you idiots are all following. 

Smaug, you’d faced him before. The dwarves watch him come closer in terror, you stare at the overgrown lizard with pure defiance. He opens his jaws and snarls as flames escape his maw. You don’t flee, or run, you face him head on.

Of course that may seem suicidal, yet you survive. You get sent back home, into the forest near your home. Scrabbling to your feet and up the hill you see a flat cliff face rising from the ground. You head for it, and pull your dagger.

You nick your thumb and press it to the stone, before stumbling into a small room. Several weapons lie within it, as well as armour. You smile, and grab the other matching knife. You pull on your light armour, and smile.

You strap the knives around your waist, along with a longsword. A quiver and bow get pulled onto your back, along with an axe. You pull out an old knapsack and stuff the other armour into it and hoist it onto your back. The last thing to be grabbed is a long handled spear and you leave the cave with hands full. 

Rushing home to remind your family of who they are is the only way you will remember. Its what you realised as soon as you saw that dragon. If a dragon cant kill you, then nothing will.


	13. Foregoing of the Lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Orcs have got home before you, and you finnaly know who you are.
> 
> Or maybe you don't. All you know is you need to help your family, and fight orcs, kill a dragon, then fight in a battle.
> 
> Thats all.

You leap over a dead tree in your way, almost home, stopping when you hear a screech. You drop the bag and spear hiding it quickly under a log and sprint home pulling out your knives. You vault the garden fence and swiftly barge through the door. 

Orcs. At least three by the looks of things. You snarl throwing one knife into the back of ones head and thrusting the other knife through ones throat. You see you mother and grab her. “Hide in the garage. Don’t open it for anything.” She tries to protest but you don’t let her. 

You push her in shutting the door and locking it before pushing a cabinet in front, hiding the handle and lock. You move stealthily into the lounge and kill the orc strangling Rowan.

“Y/n.” He coughs. 

“No time, here.” You say passing him the quiver and bow. “Stay quiet, theres going to be more than three. Where are the others?” He is in shock, and confused but he listens. “Rowan..” you urge needing the answer.

“Robin is in his room, Sarah is in the attic, Emily was in the bathroom.” He tells you. 

“Come on. We move slow and don’t make a noise.” He goes to argue but you tug him onto his feet. He hold the bow gingerly. “Rowan you’re the best archer I know, your body will remember before your head. Trust me. Please.” You ask gently, and he nods.

You quietly lead him upstairs halting when you hear heavy footsteps. You have retrieved both knives. Both are firmly in your grip. Rowan has nocked an arrow, except its wonky and he’s holding the whole bow wrong. You know he will remember as you did.

The orcs round the corner, 4 of them. Two snarl and head towards you, one barging into a door and the other retreats onto the roof. Before you can even react both, and the fleeing one are daed. Arrows sticking through them. You look at Rowan, and clearly not just his body has remembered. All of him has. You see it in his face and eyes.

“Come on, theres still the rest of the pack.” He tells you, now having come down to the height of 4’ 11”. You split paths and head ito different rooms. You follow the other orc and see Emily hitting him hard with her baseball bat. She has a growl on her face and stops when she sees you. 

“Where the hell have you been?” She growls. Before you can respond the orc grabbed he by the throat, his other hand pulling a knife. He doesn’t get far as your knife hits him between the eyes and he goes limp.

“Travelling with dwarves and a hobbit. Getting in fights, got incinerated by a dragon to get back here and remind you idiots of who we are.” You tell her walking over and pulling your knife, cleaning it on your trousers. “I think next time this axe might be more useful than that bat.” You tease passing it to her. 

You turn and leave climbing through the window at the end of the hall, and get confronted by scared orcs. One tackles you and you tumble off the side. Grabbing the edge of it is the easy part. Tugging yourself up isn’t, especially with the orcs firing arrows your way. You snarl and try again, your grip and arm strength soon tiring. You see an orc standing over you, only for an arrow to send it toppling off the roof. A pair of hands tug you up and you smile at Robin. “This I believe is yours.” You tell him passing him his sword.

All three of you are up here, all three of you have orc blood splattered on you, but only two remember fully. “We need to go into the attic to get Sarah.” You tell them moving towards the attic skylight. “

“Y/n what about mother?” Rowan asks, you sigh. 

“Locked in the garage with a cabinet over the door.” You tell him climbing into the attic. You don’t see any orcs, you don’t see anyone. Moving through the dusty attic you check for any signs of movement. Yet you see nothing. Then you get tackled. You pull your knife, only to see a terrified sarah over you. 

She lets go and backs up, you sheath your knife. The others greet her happily as you check the rest of the attic, soon finding two dead orcs. One has a hammer in its skull, the other a bowling ball beside it. You relax and open the attic stairs. 

“Y/n there could be more.” Sarah’s shaky voice is brimming with fear. You shake your head. 

“No, we got em all. Cone on lets go get mother. I imagine dad will already have found his stuff in the cave. We have to go. Come on.” Your tone is harsh, demanding. Rowan smiles knowing that you finally know who you are again. 

After getting your mother, you lead them through the woods to the log, passing Sarah her spear. She remembers and as she does, you pass out the others their armour. Your mother protests, asking why, and saying this is all just a lie, a delusion of yours.

After getting into the cave and seeing your father she remembers. “Y/N! Rowan! Robin!” How dare you!?” She snarls about to go on another tirade. Then the ground splits and you all tumble away.

Thorin knows you’re alive, he can feel it. Yet the others insist you are dead. Not that any of them have time to breathe they have a extremely angry dragon hunting them. He only hopes that you return to him.

Every other landing has been cushioned, this one not so much. You land at the doorway, your family in laketown. You rush into the mountain and follow their path. The dragon is oddly silent, and that worries you immensely. Then you hear snarling from one of the mine shafts sprinting towards it. You know mind and body who you are, yet something stops you from realising. 

Unbeknownst to you, the thing that’s stopping you is the same that brought you here to begin with.


	14. Staring Into Open Flame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rushing from fighting orcs, to fighting a dragon is jarring. 
> 
> You being alive is jarring to the company, yet it's not as much of a surprise for Thorin as you expect.

You sprint toward the mine where Thorin is, you remember Erebor in full detail. The paths home to you. You reach the others and they look at you in disbelief. Thorin rushes in and he sees you. Before the company can say anything you stop them.

“Very awake, very pissed dragon right behind us.” You urge, pointing over your shoulder to Smaug. They nod. 

“The plan isn’t going to work. The forges are ice cold, and we have no flame hot enough to light them.” Dwalin tells you all, looking to Thorin. 

“Have we not.” Thorin hums, you look around preparing yourself for the fight about to happen. You watch as he insults the overgrown lizard and you all rush for cover. You feel the hot air whipping around you and the cold stone heats under Smaug’s flame. 

As the worm bashes his chest into the metal wall, everyone rushes to their positions. Thorin rushes over to you. “y/n, I need you to make sure he stays distracted until I lead him into the gallery.” He tells you. He stays close to you for a moment. “Y/n…”

“No time, lets kill him first.” He smiles gently and knows that you are yourself again, he can hear it in your voice, and see it in your stance. He soon rushes off and then the dragon bursts in. He heads towards Thorin and you wait to distract him once his fire is temporarily doused. 

You immediately rush in and insult Smaug in your signature way. “Oi! Snake, why don’t you go smash some eggs!” He snarls and rushes towards you. Soon enough the buckets and pulley is dropped atop him, and he gets entangled. You dodge his flailing limbs and rush towards the gallery of the kings to help Thorin. 

The mould gets pulled away and Smaug is mesmerised by the gold. It bubbles and bursts smothering the dragon. He writhes underneath the cooling metal and suddenly everything is still. The gold, the air, the room. 

The stillness is shattered when he bursts out and rushes for the front gate. He bursts through and you can only stand there bewildered. 

 

The company stands on the hill watching Esgaroth burn. You notice Thorin on his own. You go to him, hoping he can fight the sickness which is looming ever closer. 

“Thorin, are you alright?” You ask him. He turns to you and looks over you. 

“I knew you had lived. I could feel it. What happened?” He asks, and he sounds like himself. 

“I ended up in the woods near my home, I remembered what happened when we first ended up there. I retrieved me other knife and rushed to remind my family. I took their weapons with me and had to fight off several orcs. I just ended up back here after that. I didn’t know what would happen when I faced down Smaug, but I knew I had to risk it.” Thorin has an unreadable look on his face, and you aren’t sure what he is thinking. 

Then Thorin hugs you tightly. You hug him back, and he clings tighter to you. 

“I don’t want to lose you again.” Thorin murmurs, before pulling away. He gently pulls some hair from your face. You smile and he lets you go. You walk away from him and back up the steps to the others. 

Balin looks at you. “Hes not himself Balin.” Balin nods gently. 

“Yet you seem to be yourself again.” He hums, and you nod, yet you still feel a piece of you missing. You are about to reply when the ground shakes. 

“It fell, I saw it. Its dead. Smaug is dead.” Bilbo tells you all, and you hear Thorin rush off into the mountain. You sigh and follow him.

Thorin is going to lose himself, and you pray that you can bring him back.


	15. Why Were You Creeping?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rejection and an argument can only lead to misery and ill fortune. 
> 
> Will you be able to save Thorin and his nephews, or will the fates of the Durin's remain the same?

Thorin had demanded that you all search tirelessly for the Arkenstone. You had taken a seat for a moment and you sighed. You had not been sat long when you heard footsteps. You turned and see Thorin. His smile is merely a shadow of the one you know. 

“Y/n, I have a gift for you.” You look at him and slide over to allow Thorin a seat. He instead moves in front of you. You look up at him, and smile gently. So far he has been just as kind to you as normal, yet his moods are unpredictable and violent. 

“Give me your hand.” You let him hold it and he gently places something in it. You look and it’s a deep blue sapphire bead around a silver ring in the centre. You see Khuzdul engraved in the bead. 

“Thorin, is this a courting bead?” You ask him gently. He smiles, the first genuine one you’ve seen for days. 

“Yes y/n, it is. Do you accept it?” You look at him before standing and hugging him tightly. He seems surprised, not immediately hugging you back. You are debating accepting, or waiting until he is over the sickness invading his mind. You let go and you see his hopeful face, but sigh. 

“Thorin, I can’t accept this. Not now, you aren’t yourself.” His face darkens, and his smile fades. Even his eyes are sour at you. You look at him softly. “I don’t feel like its right.” You tell him gently pressing the bead back into his hand. He looks at you and you see anger in his features. 

“You would refuse me, your king?” He growls lowly. “You don’t love me.” His voice has become a snarl. “You are nothing more than a liar, and a harlot.” He moves closer and you back away. 

“Thorin I do love you, but this isn’t right. You aren’t yourself. Please just calm down.” His eyes turn from sapphires to dark stone, with a glare that breaks your heart. 

“How am I supposed to believe you?! You are a liar, you betrayed me.” Thorin grabs you, pulling you in close. “I will have you as my queen.” He growls, before pushing you away and stalking off. 

You have hot tears in your eyes and you rush off to cry. Usually you would turn to Thorin, but you can’t. As you find somewhere to cry privately, you bump into Fili. 

“Y/n..” You try to push past him, but he grabs your arm. “Y/n, what is it?”

“Thorin.” You whine, and Fili gently leads you to a quiet step away from the others. 

“What happened?” His voice is brimming with concern, you are family to him. He has his arm over your shoulder.

“Thorin gave me a courting bead, and I rejected him. He isn’t in the right state for that Fili, and I can’t do this until he is himself again. He says that I’m a lair, that I betrayed him.” Fili sighs. He doesn’t say anything, just stays by your side. That is all you need at the moment. 

“He’s not himself, he hasn’t been for a while. He will come back to you.” Fili tells you. You look at him with red eyes and tears on your cheeks. 

“How do you know?” He looks at you, and smiles. 

“He looks at you, and even now his face softens when he sees you. He will come back to you y/n.” Fili’s words have calmed you. He soon gives you space, and you sigh. 

 

Things have continued in a similar fashion for the past few hours. It is soon nightfall and you go up to the ramparts for some fresh air. You see Bilbo and Bofur. They look at you.

“I wont say anything. I just need air.” They smile and Bofur leaves to get Bombur up. You go to Bilbo. “Bilbo I know what you’re doing,” He looks at you terrified. “I won’t say a word, I know you’re trying to help him, and I wanted to thank you.” He relaxes. “Go now.”

You hope that you can help Thorin. 

 

The next day you wake before the others. You walk back to the treasure hoard and spot the bead Thorin offered to you. It has been tossed onto the floor carelessly. You frown and slowly pick it up, rolling it between your fingers. 

“What are you doing?” You hear Thorin ask and you turn. He sees something in your hands and becomes very possessive. “Now you are not just a liar, you are also a thief. What do you have?” His tone is threatening, and you are scared of him for the first time in your life. 

You open your hand and show him. His eyes fall upon the bead and his face softens. You look at him and you are fighting back tears. He looks at your face and sees the tears in your eyes. He gently takes the bead from you. 

“Y/n.” His voice is what you remember and his expression is back to normal. He is himself again. “I did not mean to upset you. I am sorry, please forgive e.” His blue eyes meet yours, and you sniffle before pulling him close. He holds you tightly and sighs against your hair. 

“I can’t Thorin not…”

“Shhhh. It’s alright, I will forgive you.” He steps away from you, gently closing your fist around the bead. “Keep it safe. Come to me when you feel it is the right time.”

He kisses your forehead, before leaving your side.

It seems you will be able to sway him after all.


	16. Abject Apathy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The battle begins and hopefully you can save Thorin and his nephews. 
> 
> You can feel a realisation coming as you fight, as you get closer to the end of the movies.

You had hoped the next day was going to be the same, yet it wasn’t. You went out onto the ramparts with the others. You see Bard and Thranduil and know what’s about to happen. 

You look to Thorin as he looks to the hills. You know Dain will soon be here and the battle will begin to rage. You watch the raven land and see Dain come over the crest of the hill. You all cheer and watch as the battle begins. Your eyes widen as you see the worms erupt from the ground. Panic fills you and the others watch.

Thorin soon forbids you from helping your kin, and you all look at each other. Thorin leaves and you perch on a stone. You pull out the bead he offered you and sigh, concerned. You take the time to sharpen your knives, and check your armour. 

You see Dwalin return, and you leave to go talk to Thorin. You soon find him, yet he is leaving the throne room when you do. Thorin sees you, and pushes past you, you follow him. 

“Thorin please wait.” He stops and you bump into his back. He turns to steady you. “Please, reconsider. We need to help them.” 

“They are worth less than the treasure in this mountain.” He snarls angrily. You sigh and look at him, and he gently cups your face. “You are the exception. The treasure in this mountain is dull and listless compared to your beauty.” You can’t help but blush and Thorin smiles at you. 

“Thorin please, we need to fight. We need to help them. They are your people.” He shakes his head. 

“No. we do not..” He moves away from you, and leaves. 

You sigh and walk back to the others. They see how dejected and lost you look, and you feel as though you have lost yourself again. You stay quiet, and none of you speak. You hear the battle outside and it only makes you feel worse. The clashing swords and fighting ringing in your ears.

Then you see Thorin walking over to you all. Him and Kili share their words and he tells you all the plan. Thorin holds your shoulders tightly. “I would stop you if I could, but I know you would not listen.” He smiles softly as he speaks, before it fades. “Do you forgive me?” 

“Yes Thorin I forgive you.” He smiles, and then cups your face. Suddenly his lips are on yours, his hands in your hair. He rests his head against yours. The company cheers behind you. 

“We will survive this, and I will not leave you Amrâlimê.” You smile and he pulls away. 

Before you know it you are all running into battle and you are killing orcs left and right. You get splashed with foul orc blood as you kill them effortlessly. You aid several of the company. You then get locked in a fight with a large orc, and as one goes to stab you an arrow kills it. You turn to face it and you see your brother, Rowan. Yo hug him briefly and he smiles. 

“We all survived the dragon.” He tells you as you throw a knife into an orcs skull. “Mother is safe, and the rest of us are fighting.”

“Well if you didn’t I’d have been a bad older sister.” You tease before leaving his side. You pull the knife from the orcs head as you sprint towards Dain. You slide under an orc, before getting back on your feet and then swiftly killing several orcs close to the two cousins. 

Thorin tells you his plan and you mount a goat. “I have never done this.” You yell to Thorin and he chuckles. 

“Follow me.” Soon enough you are riding a goat and killing orcs as you go. Ravenhill seems so far but the goats are swift. Balin, Dwalin, Fili and Kili are following in the armoured cart. 

You keep going but get knocked off by a flailing troll. You hit the ground hard and feel several bones snap. Thorin sees it and stops turning back towards you. You get on your feet, and using the rocks close to you to get a better angle to kill it. You miss and the troll grabs you. Thorin cuts off it’s hand and you get dropped. You get pulled back onto the goat with Thorin.

“You need to be more careful.” He tells you. “Are you alright?” He asks as the goat scales the hills and rocks, taking you up to the top of Ravenhill. 

“I think I’m bruised, but otherwise fine.” You cling to the goat and soon enough you are at the top of the hill. You dismount, immediately jumping into fighting. You help Thorin fight off several orcs and soon enough you are joined by Dwalin, Fili and Kili.

“What’s the plan?” They ask and you remember. As Thorin tells you all the plan you can’t help but object. 

“Thorin it’s a trap. We cant see any movement or signs of orcs. They want to split us up and draw you in.” They look at you. “Please listen to me.” 

“We need to know how many orcs there are.” He urges you. 

“It isn’t worth risking Fili and Kili’s lives for Thorin.” You argue and he won’t listen. 

You disobey his orders and sprint after them, you stop short on the ice. Azog has Fili. You throw your knife, and it hits Azog in the hand he is holding Fili. Fili gets dropped and you rush forward to catch him. 

You drag him to cover where Kili is. “You have to go, Bolg is coming with reinforcements from the north. We have to cut them off.” They look at you. “We have to kill Bolg an Azog.” You can hear the orcs coming and you urge them to go. You go the other way, flanking them. You battle the orcs skilfully hoping that Kili lives. 

It seems as though the line of Durin will endure.


	17. A Cry at the Final Breath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The battle rages on, but not everyone will survive.

You continue fighting and don’t realise that all of you have been separated from each other. You see Kili rush down to Tauriel, and Fili follows. You decide that they will both be fine. You kill another orc, and you look towards Thorin, and see him fighting off the orcs rushing him. 

Your distraction gives an orc a head start and stabs you in the side. Yelling you wrestle the orc only to go tumbling over the edge. You land on the orc and pull the knife from you. Thorin looks to you as you get to your feet and you have to throw a knife into an orc charging Thorin. 

Azog sees you helping him and sends orcs your way. Soon enough you’re overwhelmed concentrating hard on battling off the orcs. Soon enough you have only bodies surrounding you. You head over to Thorin but once again you get stopped. 

Azog’s Warg. It pounces and you pull your knife stabbing it into the beasts leg. You manage to roll from beneath it and you are soon staring off the white warg. It lunges and you slice at its snout, the scar from when you last fought it on its snout. 

It snarls and you snarl back. You dodge its bite and slice its flank open wide. The beast yelps and you lunge thrusting your knife into its snout. You get tossed by the warg and land hard. Your already broken bones protest and the gash in your side violently twinges in pain. You feel blood seep out and you struggle to get onto your feet. The warg is bounding towards you and you panic. 

You see the knife stuck in its snout , but before you can begin to defend yourself, it bites you r leg. The same leg as last time. You scream and Thorin looks your way. He gets thrown by Azog and you are struggling to get free from the beasts maw. Kicking it in the nose isn’t working so you lean up, and you feel your wound open further. You pull the knife from its nose and stab it in the eye. It lets you go and you are able to finally slice open it’s throat. 

The beast collapses, body limp. You grasp your side, the wound worsening. You’re losing blood, You body hurts immensely and you feel terrified. You look over to Thorin, and it’s then you find the eagles overhead. You watch as he tosses the weight to Azog. 

You stand and grunt, before rushing to his side, He sees you and smiles before watching Azog float beneath the ice. You get to him just in time, and as Azog bursts through the ice, you push Thorin out of the way. Azog stabs you through the stomach and you scream. He snarls over you, and you spit in his face, pulling your knife from his fist. 

You had distantly heard Thorin scream when you were stabbed. You hadn’t heard him run over and then Azog is no longer above you. Thorin is fighting him harder than before, you can see the raw determination in his face and movements. 

Your vision is getting blurry and sounds are hazy and distant. Thorin’s and Azog’s blades clash and the sound echoes. You see the eagles overhead and you see the beautiful clouds and sunrise overhead. Your blinks slow.

Thorin goes over to you and suddenly his face is over yours. You smile at him and he looks over you. 

“Y/n.. you will be fine. I will not let you die.” Thorin’s voice is shaky and filled with sadness. You reach into your pocket, passing him the bead. 

“Thorin, I accept.” You croak and he smiles. He begins crying softly. “I love you Thorin.”

He beams and you smile back.

“You are mine, my one, I will not lose you. Not here.” He tells you gently. You can feel coldness seeping through your body, your limbs going heavy. You shake your head. You are crying too, and he holds you close to him.

The last thing you see as you die is Thorin’s face. 

 

Thorin watches and shakes his head. “No.” He murmurs. He brushes your hair off your face and looks at your still face. “No!” Thorin scream clutching your body tightly. He sobs against your cold body, and the others soon appear.

 

You float, and then you feel solid. You see Mahal again and he smiles. “Welcome little one.”


	18. Pure Authority

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is it over?

Mahal stares at you and you remember how you got here. 

“Send me back.” You demand. 

Mahal shakes his head. “That path has reached its end little one. The next one is coming, and you will live it out just as you did this time.”

“No, I want to go back to Thorin.”

“Thorin is..”

“My one. You made it that way. I want to be with him you have to send me back.”

Mahal glares. “I made you, I made all dwarves, you do not get to order me.”

“I am Hayfa’s descendant. You have tried to untie the line of Durin and my line for centuries. Are you going to throw that away now just because I’m dead.” 

Mahal pauses and sighs. “You are right. It would be folly to have come this far only to have it fail now.” He puts his hand on your head and you melt away.


	19. Run Her Hands Through My Hair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grief. Pain. Confusion.
> 
> The battle is won. Yet it seems the bad news is outweighing the good.

Thorin was deep in mourning for you. As were the rest of the company. Thorin was distraught. You were cold and gone. 

Your body laid on the stone, your knives on your chest. Thorin had the courting bead in his pocket, and he said nothing. The others slowly filed out and only Thorin remained next to you. He stands still. Watches you. You are still, cold, beautiful. 

He moves to your head and pulls out the bead. He gently braids you hair, sliding the bead on at the end. He lets it fall. He remains there. 

Your body stays still. Then you gasp and cough. Blood seeps from your stitched wounds. Thorin backs away and looks at you in disbelief. “Y/n?”

You gasp your body aching and broken. Thorin comes to his senses and rushes after the others. He screams Oin’s name as you clutch at your side. You’re back. You can’t believe it. You try to sit up, but can’t. 

You whine in pain, clutching your side. You focus on breathing and staying warm. You go unconscious.

Pain. That’s the first thing you feel as you wake. The next is the warm bed. Then you blink awake and groan. You swallow and look to your left. Thorin. He is asleep and you can’t help but look over his features, He looks peaceful in his sleep. Calm. 

Then he blinks awake and immediately looks at you. He moves to your side and you reach out for him. His hand finds yours. “Y/n.. I thought, you were. I watched you die.” You begin to cry and he shushes you. He squeezes onto the bed holding you gently. You lean into him. 

“Thorin, Mahal brought me back. How long was I dead?” You croak. He pets your hair gently. 

“A day.” He hums gently. You wince as you shuffle up to him. “You really should stay still.” He berates you gently. You smile weakly.

“When have I ever listened?” You tease back wincing as you shuffle closer to him. You both stay quiet. You let Thorin hold you, knowing that you will be alright. Its peaceful. He runs his hands through your hair and you notice a weight amongst your locks.

“Thorin, what is the braid in my hair for?” You ask, knowing one is there. His hands move to your waist. His movements are slow, his touch light.

“I think you know the answer to that Amrâlimê.” He murmurs softly. You smile.

“A courting braid.” He smiles back at you and you see true happiness on his face. You get lost in his face, his nose, the way his eyes crinkle with his smile. Hie blue eyes. 

Knocking interrupts the moment. Thorin lets you go, before answering the door. You lie still, knowing you cant sit up. But you don’t have too. Soon enough a pair of idiotic brothers are by your side. 

“Fili, Kili. You are alright.” They chuckle.

“We are the ones who should be worrying over you.” Fili teases sitting by your bed. 

“Especially considering the wounds you got.” Kili finishes also taking a seat. You smile. 

“Well you are both stupid.” You tease back and they smile at you. They tell you about whats happened more recently and you listen. You are more than happy to let them regail you with stories. 

“Although seeing your family in laketown was a surprise.” Kili says and you bolt upright. Thorin rushes to steady you and you groan in pain. 

“I told you to stay still.” He chides, but before he can continue, you interrupt.

“Are they alright?” Fili and Kili look at each other. Kili sighs. 

“Your father died because of Smaug, and Sarah hasn’t been seen since the battle started.” Your heart drops. Somehow all the pain disappears, filled instead by the dull ache of grief. 

You panic. You try to stand, only to stumble. Fili catches you and you gasp desperately. You barely hear them talking. The grief is hitting you hard. Harder than Azogs blade. Harder than when you broke your leg. 

You go limp. Fili and Thorin get you back into bed. You wake soon after, only to hear Thorin ordering the princes to get Oin. You whine. “Thorin..” 

“Y/n please. Stay still.” He murmurs soon holding your hand in his. “Rest. You need it.”

“My family..” you mumble, confused and in pain. He begins to rub your hand with his thumb. He’s done that before. It puts you to sleep. You pull away. Or try to. But Thorin’s grip is firm, but loving.

“Rest darling.” He murmurs again. His voice is soft, caring. Brimming with concern.

Yet before you can protest again, you are already dozing off.


	20. No Grave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grief still plagues you, and yet moments of happiness keep it away.
> 
> Hopefully it will stay that way. But knowing your luck, things will only get more complicated.

You woke later, expecting to see Thorin. Instead you see Rowan. Your heart leaps, but his hands stop you from hugging him. 

“Rowan..” You say, “You’re alright. You lived.” The pure joy you feel is soon shadowed by your grief. “Father, Sarah.. they’re…”

“Dead. We found Sarahs body.” He tells you shakily. You feel tears cloud your vision, and you begin to sob. Your ribs protest. Your stitches tug. Your wounds throb. Yet the pain is nothing compared to your grief. Rowan holds your hand. “Robin is alive and well, but Emily has..” You look at him concern running through you. “She lost an arm. We don’t know if shes gonna make it.” You sob harder and Rowan moves onto the bed to hold you close. 

“I should’ve been there. To protect you, and them.”

“And if you had we wouldn’t have a king, or the princes.” He pets your hair. “You did what you could, you protected your family.” His words bring little comfort. You both stay like that for a long while. Bith of you clinging to the other like an anchor to the seabed. 

Neither of you hear Robin come in. He joins you both in your other side and holds you. No one says a word. The room is filled with the sounds of sobbing. Grief pours from it, as water does over a cliff. 

Finally, after an eternity you all let go. Silence follows. No sobbing. Just your breaths. Footsteps. You look up to see your mother and Thorin. 

Before Thorin can say a word, your mothers poisonous mouth opens. “You killed them. This is your fault.” She spits. Given your current state, the words pierce into your soul. “You should have never dragged us back to this hell. You were always a mistake.” Her words turn from hissing to snarls. “I wish you had stayed dead.” 

A growl erupts from Thorin. He glares at your mother with a fierce anger. “Watch your words, for very soon you will be within commiting treason.” His words hide a threat, a threat you all know is real. Your brothers stay put and the galeing continues. 

“Rowan, Robin. Come with me now.” Your mothers tone is demanding. No love or goodness is left in her. They stay firmly put next to you. She glares at them. “Now.”

“I’m not leaving my sisters. If you think ai am going with you, I am not.” Rowan tells her calmly. 

Robin also responds, yet his tone is anything but calm. “If you want to leave you can. We will not follow.” His words cut your mother deep. You see it. He was always her favourite. Her mouth opens and shuts, and like the flapping of a dying bird, soon stops.

She turns and storms out. 

You are crying and your brithers kiss your head. “Were going to check on Em. Don’t get hurt.” Robin teases and you chuckle gently. 

Thorin silently thanks them, before going to your side and holding you close. He says nothing. 

It is you who breaks the silence. “My father won’t have a grave. He was burned by Smaug.” Your words a slow, mourning. Thorin holds you letting you finish. “If he has no grave, then neither Should Sarah. It’s our tradition.” You tell him. He nods gently, still holding you as if you would shatter in his hands.

“Very well.” He mumble softly. The silence fills the room again. “I will not let your mother stay here. Not when she is so cold and cruel towards you.” You cling to Thorin. “You are my love, and you will be queen. I would have her in chains before she disrespects you like that again.” You smile against him. “No one will hurt you.”

“Nobody would dare try. I survived azogs warg twice, as well as Azog himself. Im not easily killed.” Thorin smiles and chuckles. 

“No you certainly are not.” His voice is comforting. Its distracting you from the shadow of grief hanging over you. 

 

After a few days, you were finally allowed to sit up and walk short distances. With help. The help varied from time to time. Usually it was either your brothers, Thorin, or fili and kili. They had gotten very protective since the incident with your mother. 

Currently you were sat on the ramparts. You were quietly enjoying the fresh sir. That was until Bofur came along. You smiled at him. “Hello y/n, how are we today?” He asks sotting next to you.

“Better. Im still very injured.” You complain and Bofur nods.

“Well you were stabbed, twice.” He says, “And you were bitten by a warg. For a second time.” You smile enjoying his company. You sit there and talk for a while. Bofur can always cheer you up no matter what.

After a whole he helps you back to your chambers. When you get there you hear arguing. Bofur cant stop you from going in. You had been expecting to see your mother. Instead it’s a very angry dwarrowdam. 

Thorin looks incensed, and the dwarrowdam barges past you. You tumble over, but Bofur catches you before you fall to the floor.

He soon leaves, and you are stood looking at Thorin in pure confusion. He sighs and goes over to you. “Will you listen? Let me explain?” He asks softly, as if he’s scared of you. 

You smile sadly. “After all the times you have listened to me, I would be a hypocrite to not let you do the same.”


	21. Dinner and Diatribes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grief is following you. When will it give up? You can only hope it gives up soon.
> 
> You're running out of people to lose.

Thorin helped you back to the bed and you look at him. He’s quiet. Ashamed. “Thorin..” You murmur softly, holding his hand.

He sighs and looks at you. “After Smaug, and Moria, when we had finally settled I realised how lonely I felt. Dis encouraged me to court a dwarrow, but I couldn’t let you go.” His words are quiet, filled with sadness. “I eventually listened to her. I only courted one, and it didn’t end on good terms.” You frown and before he can continue you tug him to sit next to you.

Thorin pulls you close and holds onto you tightly. “You just met her. Yuliana. She is still angry and bitter. She would she herself queen before anyone else is.” You snuggle into him. “Y/n I though you were dead.” Is voice is low. As if he’s afraid of you.

“Thorin, you were trying to live.” You murmur gently. He sighs holding you to him. “Im not angry, or upset. I never would be.” You continue. Your soft voice calms him, and his grip softens.

“Nothing would ever tear me from you.” He tells you gently. You smile and kiss his cheek. Thorin turns his head, and pulls you to him gently. The kiss you share is gentle, soft, loving. It’s a promise.

As you pull away there’s s knock. Thorin leaves your side to answer, finding Rowan at your door. He comes in and you look at him concerned. His face is grave, as if he’d seen his own death. “Rowan what..”

“Emily.” You panic. Scrambling from the bed doesn’t go well. Rowan catches you. Sharing a glance he picks you up. 

When you see her, Rowan sets you down. Shes pale, and cold. You notice her shallow breaths. Then her missing forearm. She coughs. Bright blood stains her chin and you hold in a gasp. “Shes got worse. They cant help her.” He tells you. You go over, and gently rub her forehead. “We cant lose her too.” 

You say nothing in response. You watch her breaths get more difficult. You stay there. Silent. Unmoving. Grief stricken. Nothing moves you from her side. Not even Thorins pleas. It is dark. The middle of the night. You hadn’t slept. Then Emily opens her eyes. You stand and gently hold her hand. “If you die Em, I’m gonna kill you.” You tease, your words rough. She smiles weakly. “Km not leaving you.” You murmur and she shakes her head. 

“Maybe not.” She gasps out. “But I am going to leave you,” You shake your head and she squeezes your hand. “It’s alright. Ive lived this long haven’t I?” She comforts softly. You shake your head beginning to cry. “Ill get to see father again.” She chuckles weakly. Her hand is cold. You know she will not make it. She falls quiet, and you hold her hand tightly. Her hand falls limp and you sob. 

Broken cries leave your body, every wound you have protesting. You sob for hours.

When Robin comes in the next morning he finds you cold, and asleep on the floor. He gently lofts you into his arms and carries you back to Thorin. 

Upon opening the door be sees you. “Shes cold Thorin. Very cold. She needs to be warmed up.” Robin explains as he passes you over.   
“Your sister..” he asks gently. Robin just shakes his head before leaving. Soon enough you’re bundled under thick furs, with Thorin holding you against him. You wake after a while, groaning as you do. 

Thorin is across the room, looking over parchment. You also notice how he is dressed. Its formal. He hasn’t been away from your side for the past week, conducting all his duties from within the room. Seeing him dressed for a meeting surprises you. 

Your mind is soon caught up to your eyes. Then you remember. You quietly sit up and push the furs off you. Hopping of the bed you go towards the door. A pair of warm hands gently grab your waist. 

“Y/n please. Rest. You are still injured.” Thorins voice is a plea. You look at the door and go to ignore him, but your leg shakes. If Thorin hadn’t steadied you, you’d have stumbled. You begin to cry. He gently wraps you in his arms and holds you close. “You have to heal. Everything you’re doing is putting you at risk. I cannot lose you again.” This time you listen. Yielding you let Thorin get you back in bed.

“Thorin I don’t want yo stay here.” You sniffle. His eyes meet yours. 

“Y/n.. you have no choice. Oin told me your wounds are not healing as well as they should. All of your movement is slowing them.” You frown and close your eyes.

“I am tired of being here. Of bring useless.” Suddenly a hand is cupping your face. You feel a thumb swipe away your tears. 

“If you agree to staying here and resting, I will let you be involved with my duties.” Opening your eyes you nod. Thorin has a relieved look on his face. “ You are more stubborn than me.” He teases gently. You smile. 

He stays with you for a while. Comforting you. His work left where it was before you woke. He gently undoes the courting braid, and before you complain he rebraids it. “It was messy.” He tells you quietly. “ I cant be seen leaving your braid such a mess. People will get the wrong impression.” You hum. Content as he braids your hair.

“Where are you going Thorin?” You ask as he adds your bead. He raises a brow, waiting for you to continue. “You’re dressed more formally. Do you have a meeting?” 

“No. Its dinner.” He replies, getting up and moving away from you. “And you are coming with me.” He tells you, passing you some more suitable clothes. “But before you get dressed, you need a bath.” He gets a glare of indignation from you. He ignores it. “Don’t protest, you have been in bed for most of the week.” 

“Im injured.” You whine before realising. He got you to admit you’re injured. That means that he won. “Alright you can stop smirking. I admitted it.” Thorin couldn’t help himself, his smirk involuntary. 

You get up and go over, watching him. “If you tell anyone that I listened to you, my reputation will be ruined.”

“I would never do that.” He tells you, but you miss the twinkle in his eyes. 

 

After your bath, and changing your bandages you can finally get dressed. Thorin has left you to it, even if he has snuck several glances your way. 

The warm bath has soother your aches. Your movements are still painful, but now at least its only because of the injuries you have. Soon enough you have trousers and a tunic on you. As you grab your over-shirt a knock comes from the door. Thorin looks at how dressed you are and goes to the door. 

You continue getting dressed, and soon enough you look fine enough to go to dinner. The coat over your shoulders is a pale blue, and has soft fur lining it. You tug on your boots, but struggle.

Thorin comes over and helps. “We need to go.” He tells you, helping you stand. Despite the fact that you need to go, Thorin takes a moment to look you over. His eyes linger fir a while, and you blush under his gaze.


	22. Freshly Disowned in Some Frozen Devotion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner has stories, and arguments. 
> 
> Yet you somehow get lost in grief again.

Thorin holds your waist as you walk to dinner. He is helping support you. You are still grieving but Thorin is making it bearable. You are quiet as you walk to dinner. Its comfortable, easy. Having loved Thorin for so long makes this simple.

His arm around you feels like home. Before long you are there. He stops outside the door. He holds your hand gently. He says nothing, just stays close and smiles. “Your family is in there. Should your mother step out of line,” He starts not finishing his sentence. You hug him and he nuzzles your neck. 

“I know Thorin. You will always protect me, and I you.” You let him go. He once again takes you by the waist and leads you in. You see your brothers, and mother. You also see Fili and Kili as well as Tauriel. Thorin helps you into your seat and takes his seat next to you. 

Dinner goes well. You mother staying mostly quiet. You share stories with the others, mostly about your brothers. Fili and Kili do the same, Thorin correcting them on the details they miss. You smile through most of dinner. Tauriel joins in, and you find the different lives fascinating. 

Thorin glances at you. He smiles as you laugh at your brothers joke. He seems to realise then that he truly loves you. You look at him and smile back. He chuckles gently. Kili smirks, as does Fili. You notice and glare. They say nothing, but the glint in their eyes gives them away. 

Things get quieter towards the end. Less talk of stories. Thorin is holding your hand gently. The others leave. You are left with Thorin and your mother. You and Thorin say very little comfortable with the quiet. Your mother has been drinking heavily, and with the others gone she finally speaks.

“You always had to get into fights.” She slurs and you and Thorin both look at her. “You always had to be difficult, and stubborn.” She has a quiet tone, and you are both waiting to see it shift to anger and bitterness. “Your sisters were so perfect.” You tense and Thorin holds you hand tighter.

“So beautiful and well behaved. You had to take them with you on hunts. You had to teach them to fight. You ruined them. You got them killed.” Her tone is monotonous. Quiet. Soft. Then it changes. It becomes sour, and turns from soft to harsh. “You killed them.” She hisses. Thorin holds you close.

“What am I left with? You? Your idiotic brothers. The worst of my family.” She stands, as does Thorin. Shes wobbling, and her hand is shaking. Shes very drunk. “You are not my daughter. You never will be.” She snarls. “You will be a very poor queen.”

Thorin growls. “Be careful.” He threatens. She glares. “And you. Thorin Oakenshield. You are not my king.” He glares. You stay still. The air is thick. Tension close. Then your mother says the worst thing she could. “You are no kin of mine. Beardless harlot.” Thorin turns to stone.

She storms off. But doesn’t get very far. “Seize her.” He orders, the guards complying. “Put her in her chambers. She does not leave, and no one enters.” They take her away and Thorin turns to you.

He softens once he sees you. You look at him tears in your eyes. He gently hugs you. “Your mother is drunk, and grieving. If she does not change her mind then she will have to leave.” You nod as he holds you. 

He pulls away and gently strokes your cheek. His hand wraps around your waist. You slowly and quietly walk back to your shared chambers. It is a quiet walk. Thorin leads you into your room, and you sit in an armchair. 

You stay quiet. Thorin notices and comes to your side. “Y/n. Darling it is alright. She is wrong. You will be a wonderful queen. You didn’t kill them. It was not your fault.” Thorin is gentle. Soft. Kind. He’s giving you space. You look at him.

“I did teach them. I showed them how to hunt and fight.” Your voice is soft. Your grief is now clouding your thoughts and mind. “It was my fault.”

“They would not have laid down and given up. You couldn’t have protected them. It was their choice to fight, and you gave them that freedom.” Thorins words part the clouds of grief, as the sun does  
After a storm. You look at him and stand.

You pull him into a tight hug and he runs your back. “You are alright y/n. I have got you.”  
You smile and pull away. He looks at you lovingly and smiles gently. You calm down as he smiles at you.


	23. Played From the Bedside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After so many weeks of peace and happiness, something was bound to change. 
> 
> You never expected this though.

Days passed. Then weeks. You had finally healed. You were fully taking on your own responsibilities and things were returning to normal. Erebor was being restored at a good pace, and the dwarves from the Iron Hills had left. 

Thorin’s sister and the rest of the dwarves were returning to Erebor. The day was done.

After the day is done you get to spend time with Thorin. You are sat in one of the comfy armchairs y the fire. You are being taught everything as well s having your duties, and reading is the best way for you to learn Khuzdul. 

The door swings open and you smile. It is soon latched shut and you hum happily. Thorin moves to behind the chair and smiles. “My queen..” he purrs. You look at him. 

“Im not queen until we’re married.” You tease playfully. He sighs and gently takes the book from you. His hand cups your cheek. You lean into it with a soft hum, the callouses not bothering you. 

“The king needs his queen.” He says softly. You look up at him. “I do not want us to be coronated separately. You deserve more that that. I want to wait. Until we are married.” You push his hand away gently, standing. You shake your head. 

“No Thorin..” you pause looking for the words. Thorin’s hands squeeze your waist. “They need their king. You cant wait for our marriage. We don’t have a date set, the mountain is still in disarray. You need to be coronated as soon as possible. “ He shakes his head. You go to protest again when he tugs you against him.

Your chests are pressed together and his hands are wandering up your back. Looking up at him, fir once you cant read him. His expression lost on you. “I am already their king. I do not need a crown for them to know that. Besides,” His hands begin unlacing the back of your dress. “I refuse to let my one wait to become queen.” His last words are breathed out. They are so soft, and quiet, as if saying them would break you.

Your dress hangs loosely, and Thorin gently pushes it off. You shiver slightly, the fire having gone low. You slip is barely protecting you from the cold, but before you can complain you are in Thorin’s arms. He carries you to the bed, soon laying you under the furs. He pulls you close.

He is being gentle and soft, and you are deeply worried. “Thorin?” You ask softly. He presses his face into your neck. 

“In the past our families have never worked together. Not romantically. Yet here we lay. A son of Durin and a daughter of Hayfa. I have been worrying over it. I am worried it will fall apart before me. That it cannot be stopped.” You feel him trembling. You are gently petting his hair. Then you feel the lack of courting braid. “I cannot lose you, yet it feels inevitable. Y/n I do not want to be crowned king without you. Not only are you worth more than being forgotten, but I cannot bear the thought of being crowned without you by my side. As my wife.”

You hold him gently. “Thorin, I am not going to leave. I am not going to abandon you. You are my One, just as I am yours.” You murmur hoping he calms. This terrifies you. 

“I cannot lose you to another. So I must do what is right.” He pulls away, you again see that unreadable expression. Tear rimmed eyes. Seeing this is heartbreaking. “I cannot lose you.” He mumbles, his hand once again cupping your cheek. “Yet I know this will crumble. So I must let you go.” His hand pulls away and you sit there in shock. 

He gets up and goes towards the door. You snap out of it and follow him, grabbing his arm. “Thorin I am not going to leave you. You know that. What is wrong with you? You are not yourself.” You ask. You are upset and panicked, but your voice stays strong. 

He tugs away and leaves silently. You crumple to the floor and stay like that. The room only gets colder without the fire. You don’t sleep. Or move. You just stay there trying to process everything. 

The next morning, after several hours, Balin finally goes to look for you and Thorin. Having not seen you hadn’t worried him, you both have duties to attend too. But neither of you missed meetings. He had profusely apologised to king Thranduil. Even he seemed concerned. At least for you.

Balin knocked on the chambers door to no answer. He called for you both, and again nothing. He finally opens the door only to see you. Your are knelt on the floor, shivering desperately. You have tear stained cheeks, chapped lips and absent eyes. He doesn’t remain there long.

Soon he has draped a warm fur over you and has rushed to get oin. You tremble and stay still. You are cold, tired and utterly mournful. Yet you knew that was not your Thorin. You had seen his tear rimmed eyes, then the glassinesswithin them. 

You had been put back in bed with plenty of furs over you. Oin had ordered you to rest and you had soon dozed off. You didn’t hear the door open, or the footsteps. Your mother looked at your shivering form on the bed and smirked. The spell on thorin had worked. Now she had one to put on you.


	24. Music Haunts Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The spell must be broken. Who can you turn to? What is happening to the kingdom?
> 
> How can you fix both Thorin, and the kingdom alone? His distance is causing more problems than he could know.

You had not seen Thorin for days. Immensely worried for him. He had missed meetings, and negotiations. Hard work was beginning to unravel. You had to fix this. For the kingdom. 

Your mother had also been hovering very close to you. You had noticed her shadowing you. Her footsteps haunting you. You had told the guards to keep her well away from the royal quarters, and that if she began any trouble to take her to the dungeons. 

Her closeness only got more menacing. You had got papers to sign in Thorin’s stead. Reading through it was a chore. Despite having remembered everything, the Khuzdul you knew was limited. Learning it was difficult, and the documents took hours to read. 

A knock. You look to the door and hum. “Who is it?” You call not yet opening it. No answer. You grab a knife from your side of the bed and open the door. You don’t see who it is before you get shoved to the floor. You try to get out from below them, to no avail. Before you can defend yourself further a knife is at your throat. 

You look up. Thorin. His eyes were distant. Nothing left of him in them. You see his tangled hair, his much longer beard and you lower your knife, pushing it away. “Thorin. Its me. Y/n. You need to remember that.” Your voice is calm. Soft. He seems to know you. Yet something is utterly in control. 

You notice a blue colour on his hands, as if they have been rubbed in something. You look at him. “Thorin let me up. You don’t need to hurt me. Just let me up.” The glaze on his eyes lift. He practically leaps off you. He is frantic. Panicked.

“Y/n your mother. It’s a spell. I can’t get free.” He has a shake in his voice. He grimaces. “You need to summon Gandalf, or Radagast. Please…” You nod, and he stumbles. You go to catch him. “No. Don’t. I’m staying away to keep you safe.” He swiftly rushes out of the room. You close and lock the door. 

You had called an emergency meeting with the company. You trusted only them with this. They found out everything. Ori didn’t stay long, rushing off to get Gandalf. The others all make sure you are safe, and Dwalin forces extra training on you. Fili and Kili refuse to let you go anywhere alone. 

You are all on edge. Your mother has slunk back into her hiding place. Her chambers had clearly been abandoned for days. 

“She isn’t here.” Kili says coming back to you. You are rifling through the desk for anything you could use against her. Fili had noticed that she had broken something. You ignored him, searching for anything you could find to help Thorin. 

When you don’t snap out of your daze Kili pats your shoulder. “Y/n.” You look at him and he notices how close to desperation you seem. “I found this.” Fili says. He passes several pieces to you. You look them over before realising what it was. 

“It was the first courting gift my father gave her.” The wooden piece clunk together in your hands as you shuffle them. “A jewellery box.” You murmur sadly. “She’s completely lost. Nothing of her is left. We have to find her.” You say holding the pieces tightly. 

Several days later a hard knocking on your door wakes you. You had passed out at the desk again. Sighing you went over and answered it. Gandalf. “You do not look well at all.” He mumbles. You shake your head. 

Your hair was tangled. Your courting braid in massive disarray. You had barely been sleeping, your looked pale. Tired. Fragile. “I’m doing far better than Thorin. He needs your help.” He nods. You explain everything as you walk Gandalf to Thorin’s chambers. He had been eating thankfully. The mornings breakfast plate left outside the door.

You go in, knowing he’s going to turn you away should you knock. He hears you enter and glares. Gandalf notices the same things you described. Thorin turns to face you both fully. His silence was loud. He moves toward you and Gandalf’s staff stops him.

He starts chanting something, and you leave shutting the door. You stay sat outside it for a long time. When it opens you stumble backwards, having leaned against it. You stand, seeing Thorin laid in bed asleep. “He will be fine. He needs rest and lots of care. He needs to be with you.” You nod. 

“That spell has been lost to you dwarves for a long time. Mostly due to the lack of use you gave it.” He tells you. You move past him to Thorin’s bedside, gently holding his hand. “It’s used to get rid of a pair of Ones. One will die by the others hand. The other will die from grief.” You furrow your brow and remember. 

“Hayfa. That’s what happened to her in the end. How could my mother have found that spell Gandalf?” You look at him. He shakes his head. 

“I do not know. I am remaining for a while. The spell can linger.” Soon enough he leaves. You sit by Thorin’s side for a while. 

You get up and grab a hairbrush and sit his head in your lap. You brush out the nots and matts, taking your time. You had always been exceptionally good at this. You re-braided the courting braid you had given him. 

Dwarves don’t tend to cut their hair. Yet with the number of split ends Thorin’s had, you had trimmed it slightly. Not too noticeably you hoped. Eventually, when he became restless, you curled up against him. Your head on his chest. He calmed, then it returned later. 

So, you sang. Sang to him as he had done for you. He calmed and was soon in a deep peaceful sleep. You soon followed.


End file.
